Supermom

Schoolbag in hand...

2011-01-14T13:58:00.001+02:00

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny

What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers...

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile...

Once upon a Spa

2011-01-03T11:21:00.008+02:00

The best Spa getaway ever was the day my sister and I took my Aunt to Bayete Spa on the way to Hennopsmeer somewhere west of Pretoria.

First we kind of kidnapped her. She did not know where we were taking her. My sister and I were gigling away while my aunt guessed where we could be off to, but to no avail. But that is not where the surprised ended. The Spa was also hidden from the main road. You had to drive into a gate and then into a ditch with lots of trees and then only you would stop in front of the main building.

She was so surprised. This is my favourate picture of her. A picture does tell a thousand words. It looks like she is in thought.

It was a magical day. We wanted to say thank you. She let us in under her wing when Mom died and helped to ease the pain of the 2nd big shock when our Stepmom was introduced shortly after. She has never been judgemental. We on the other hand have been.

On the left is my aunt with my sister in the middle. My head is cut off. LOL.
We look happy in the pictures.

The Kitchen, a Cat and emergency Tuna

2011-01-03T10:40:00.001+02:00

It was half past eleven last night. The kitchen was all cleaned up. I had the cat hugging my feet. Anyone could draw the conclusion that he needed food. His bowl was empty, so was the grocery cupboard. Oh no, I thought, with all the Christmas hype we forgot to stock up the cupboards.

I scratched around for who knows what. Like the cat would eat baked beans. Hey there is a first for everything. So I was on my knees, staring into the grocery cupboard and hoping that a can of tuna will appear with the blink of an eye. Nothing. The cat was getting all excited. (He hasn’t got a name by the way, to us he is just Cat fullstop.)

Then I realised that he is like one of my children. I would not be able to sleep if the kitty did not have food. I walked down the coridor to fetch my car keys. A little voice told me to have another look in the cupboard. I sighed, because I always listen to that little voice with good meaning. I am in tune with my feelings and hey I did not ask for it, that is how it is.

So I found the magical emergency can of tuna behind all the other cans of tinned food. By then kitty was super excited.

12 0’clock when the baby woke me up Cat was all snuggled up at my feet.

What a life.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-30T18:17:00.000+02:00

Every year we (my sister and I) try to make this a special time for the family. I miss my Mom who died 7 years ago a month before Christmas, we celebrate her life and hold on to the good memories. And then there is my Dad who I still have a chance to reconcile with but as always the timing sucks.

I remember every single Christmas since I was 3. Today I realized that I am truely blessed.

Every Christmas in my life was special, including this one.

Blogging again...for now

2010-12-28T06:41:00.001+02:00

Has it been 6 months? Life got a little busy I guess. I am still trying to settle in to the new job that I started over 6 months ago. It has been the most stressful time in my life. I have lost weight, lots of it, for all the wrong reasons.

The support from my hubby has been great. The last 6 months was good for my marriage, I think we passed the 7 year gl(itch) that was there from year 2. I must admit ny husband is not the easiest person to live with. You just have to learn when to keep your mouth shut and wheb to let it all out. I wish somebody told me that before I got married. I had to grow up first.

I am not a person who gives up. I am also not a person who stays in stressful situations for too long.

Life will get better and only I can make that happen.

Saturday blog

2010-07-10T13:55:00.004+02:00

My favourate author Dana Snyman says that when it comes to love advise he will rather ask a barlady than a pshycologist, because unlike pschycologists some barladies have experienced the dark side of life. They have been through it all.

No I don't have troubles with l-u-r-v-e. I just thought that was the truest thing I have ever red. People need practical advice - no good on going by the theory of it all. The good news is I went on Kalahari the other day and saw that 2 of his new books has been put on. What is different about him is that I find the time to read, its not a book that you can really leave on your bedside table for long.

Work is stressful. But I will find a way to cope. Nobody said it was going to be easy. The good thing about it all is that I amaze myself every day, and that is how I know that I am growing. This is about stepping out of your comfort zone every day.

Where there is a will there is a way.

Another blog, another week

2010-07-01T20:23:00.002+02:00

Eish peeps, I wish I could blog more. I hardly have time to read. Work has been busy. Every day is different. I don't think it can ever be the same, every day you deal with different people, and get yourself into different situations.

Tonight I have put the kids in bed early, poured myself half a glass of Old Brown Sherry and rushed to the computer. We do have internet at work but we use it for research reasons only and I have so much paperwork and writing every day I hardly get time to do anything. I do print emails and type quotes, but that is it. There are 3 A4 diaries on my desk on which I record information that are given through on the phone. 3 Diaries? You might ask. Exactly what I thought the first day I walked into my new office. There are good reasons for all of them. Trust me.

*Yawn* *Yawn*

I need to check my facebook updates before I crawl in to bed. Is it summertime yet? This winter is so p**ing me off.

A new week, a new job

2010-06-25T16:49:00.000+02:00

It’s been a busy week at my new job. I learnt so much. Everybody is so kind, all my fears are out the window, for now. We have 2 deadlines every day, so it keeps you on your toes. The lady that is showing me around is so patient. It is hundreds of little things that you need to remember every day, and she said I can relax it is only my first week.

I got 2 compliments though.

I miss my friends at my old company, but we keep in touch via email. I was supposed to go out with the girls to watch Eclipse next week on the 30th but that did not work out quite well. So I guess I will stay at home and snooze in and catch the movie at a later stage.

This first week at the new job was a little bit overwhelming. I am going to visit my best friend tomorrow and we will have some baby talk to take my mind off things. I hope the wind is not too cold, I don’t take the kids out if the wind is too cold.

Well one week down, many more to go. I am happy here. This is what I wanted.

I am hoping to blog more regularly as the time goes on.

One nervous blogger...

2010-06-15T13:04:00.000+02:00

I must be on my 4th blog for today…yip. Can you tell that I am nervous about next week? It’s kind of exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time.

I got my exam results last week – 83%. I knew I passed I was curious to see the final mark. My poor study buddy, she said she will wait for it in the post. Maybe she wants to delay the bad news a bit longer. Or maybe it is better for if her if she does not find out right away. The moment they sent me the sms that the results were in, I was there.

Well at least I am starting next week on a happy note.

I have to make a list of 5 going away presents that I would like. They will choose one. I don’t know, I am on such a high at the moment anything would do.

GPRS
Blue Ray DVD
Dishwasher
Hello Kitty Laptop bag
Katy Perry CD

That’s the problem. I don’t know the budget.

Ask? No I am not that straight forward.

Just the idea that they are getting me something is nice.

The Office Cleaner

2010-06-15T13:03:00.001+02:00

I feel sorry for her, I really do. It’s not that I don’t care because I am moving on.

I am talking about Rebecca, the office cleaner. She used to have lots of work at our old premises where there were seven separate offices and a big kitchen to clean. When we moved to this open plan office last May everybody complained that she had nothing to do and were under their feet the whole day. I’m getting my desk cleaned 3 times a day because I’m the only one that doesn’t mind that she is around. Hope the next person will be as understanding as I am.

We only need her about 3 times a week if it is that much. It must be hard to be used to lots of work and all of a sudden you don’t have many options available. Worst part is she can’t even hide somewhere in an office because it is open plan.

I brought her some clothes this week, and some old toys. I guess I empty the cupboards when I get nervous, because my time here is running out quickly. I haven’t even met half of my new colleagues at the new job, I don’t know why that is making me nervous.

My boss said the other day that she can’t guarantee anyone work for the rest of their lives. It is true. That is why am so sad. Not for me. For Rebecca, who hasn’t had all the opportunities life had to offer. She must have lived 40 years in the old South Africa. This is all she knows. This is all she will ever know.

I made a promise that I will come and visit.

I will miss her the most.

Riding with pets in cars

2010-06-15T11:37:00.006+02:00

Why would you drive with a dog on your lap? Or even better - why would you drive with a dog on your lap with its hair in your face? Or maybe you are scared that someone will put a gun to your face at any moment, and then the dog will scare them away. Are you going somewhere? If you do get out do you take the dog with or do you leave him in the heat?

I am not a dog person. Maybe there will be fewer accidents if people will just leave their dogs at home.

The other day we were in the supermarket and a lady in front of us had a little monkey on her shoulder. People will try all kinds of things to get attention. With all do respect lady, take off your clothes and I will guarantee you lots of attention, don't use a monkey that might jump on my child and bite it. I will be more worried about the thing peeing and who-knows-what-else on my shoulder. That for me is just a no go. Pets belong at home unless you are taking them for a real walk in the park where no one is in need of attention, just some excercise.

Our cat seems to think that 25% of the bed belongs to him. It is winter now and all he wants to do is snuggle under the duvet. He has come to terms with the idea that the baby comes first. It was hard for him and he sulked like only a cat can do. When winter arrived he knew where to find my lap.

Maybe that old lady with the Pom-pom on her lap was on her way to the Vet.

I don’t know.

A storage box full of memories

2010-06-15T08:50:00.000+02:00

I emptied out my drawers at work today.

Ten years ago I started here as a shy receptionist. The lady that came and did the switchboard training had to show me how to put staples in the stapler. She was a Godsend that day. I haven’t told anyone up until this day. Heaven knows why I am writing it in my blog.

As the days moved on I became more confident. The one thing I could do well at the time when I knew nothing was to show up for work. 50% of success is showing up they say. I was hungry to learn and absorb information. It was the one chance that I had to take and make the most of.

Does confidence come with time? I don’t know. I do know that you grow through experience. Things, good or bad, happen for a reason.

The storage box is on my desk. Between most of the things are photos of my children and one wedding photo. Isn’t it amazing how everyone always seems to glow on their Wedding photos? I thought I could conquer the world that day. I was ready for anything. My one friend and I always agree on one thing (and we were married a week apart at the same venue): the first day of the 1st anniversary there was trouble in paradise.

Well we had to live through that I suppose. Seven years later I still love my husband. I know what irritates him and what doesn’t and vice versa.

My storage box is packed. My drawers are empty. 40kms from here a brand new office is waiting for me to build new memories.

I am leaving a portion of my life behind. All I can say is thank you.

Life has treated me well. I am so fortunate.

For a reason, a season and a lifetime

2010-06-14T13:57:00.000+02:00

Ann is here from the Eastern Cape. Ann is the lady that I stayed with when I started at this company. It is while staying with her when my life did a 180. Sometimes I wonder what was so magical about staying with her. She was always surrounded by good and inspirational people. She taught me lessons in life without saying a word.

If I think back today, then she was part of the bigger picture for that part of my life. She was the person who carried me through the tough times. I can remember the discussions that we had until late at night. Allot of things that she said only made sense later.

She was the one that encouraged me almost 8 years ago to invite my now husband for dinner. I wasn’t brought up that way, I mean, to ask a guy out. But she grew up in the City and here in the City things were done different. I was so convinced that he would say NO, and I did not want to feel like an idiot if the answer was no. With lots of encouragement from Ann I picked I eventually picked up the phone and asked, and to my astonishment he said YES. I guess the rest is history. The feeling was mutual.

The last time I saw Ann was 3 years ago in Bryanston. She was older, but still the happy person that I met all those years ago.

I’m looking forward to see her.

She was there for a reason, for a season and hopefully a lifetime.

On my way up..

2010-06-02T10:13:00.000+02:00

I had to go and sign my new employment contract today. It was 2nd nature, because I studied H.R and knew straight away what the guy was talking about. They do everything by the book. It is a company that is outsourced by the new company that I will be working for, so they will be handling all the payroll and H.R.

At the moment my current company is compensating me with petrol, but it is one amount that has not gone up when the petrol did. That means I have to dig into my back pocket every month. My boss has been so good with everything, I did not want to hassle her about more petrol money. So at the new company I will have a little extra every month. There is so much I want to do around the house.

I don’t think I will ever look at my Milage or Petrol gage again. It’s not like it is going to give me a few extra kilos so I might as well stop looking at it now. It is just sad to see the kilos melt away everyday. And my poor car, getting a service every 3 or 4 months is not funny. She will have a nice rest. Instead of 100kms a day she might do 40km at the most.

So the new job waits. New mountains need to be climbed.

I am so excited!

A portion of my life...in jobs

2010-06-01T15:24:00.007+02:00

My very first job…mmmm…
I was a cashier at a co-op in the East Rand, it was back in 1996. I don’t remember much of my time spent there - besides counting the float every night. The owner took us to Holiday on Ice in 1997, and every year we went to this fancy restaurant for our end of year celebrations. I only worked there for 3 years.

My 2nd, 3rd and 4th job…
I moved to the North Rand in 1999. I had to find a job so I printed 30 CV’s and went to the Mall to dish them out to the shop owners. 4 People came back to me - The House of Coffees, Ocean Basket, Reggies and Miladys… I worked at Miladys on Saturdays and at Ocean Basket during the week, but I only lasted for 2 days at Ocean basket. That’s why I have respect for waiters up until this day. My feet were killing me. How do they do it? Then I started at Reggies for a couple of months… That was all in 1999…

My 5th job was at the Gym as a receptionist. I met weird people. It was in the heart of Sandton. I stayed with a German family who prepared German meals and rode German cars. It is true about their dry sense of humour. This was in 2000…

My 6th job changed my life. I started out as the receptionist. I left the German family and moved in with this older lady Ann. My whole life changed from their on. I earned enough money to go for lessons and get my drivers licence. One day I met a guy who came into my office with nice shoes and forearms – he became my husband 2 years later.
In 2007 I was promoted as Sales Assistant and enjoyed every moment.

I believe I will be starting my 7th job on the 21st of June as a Personal Assistant. I just completed my 4th qualification at Damelin. Oh yes I know *boast* *boast*.

The other day I walked past the Reggies store in the Mall where I worked. I looked at the owner and he kind of recognized me. I thought of how much I have grown in the last 11 years. I never thought I would thank him one day for letting me go.

He was still there in his cubicle. I was outside of his cubicle.

Free.

Rent, exams, and the bottom of my laundry basket

2010-05-27T11:44:00.001+02:00

We went and had a chat with our landlord – and thank goodness he reduced the rent. Increasing the rent at 10% a year for the last 5 years can get a bit costly. And when I move I want to move into a house that we will buy. He is a good landlord, we are good tenants, and we are a match made in heaven LOL.

I have been studying for the exam tomorrow. Yes I am worried but worrying is good, right? It is better than not to care at all. I am currently revising the last 5 chapters.

I have been e-mailing my study-buddy but she is off for the whole week on study leave. I know I felt bad taking study leave because I have already given notice. My morals and values kicking in I guess. There would be a million other things to do at home anyway. When you are at home you are 100% a mom dreaming about seeing the bottom of your laundry basket.

The notice letter..

2010-05-24T12:54:00.003+02:00

Oh my, oh my, oh my. Did I knock them over with my presentation! I am so proud of myself. Then again, I had 2 hours in the traffic every morning to practice! Yes I was nervous, but the words came out and it was almost like I was a natural.(Almost)

I went for the 2nd interview on Friday and they offered me the job on the spot. This morning the new Company e-mailed the letter to confirm everything in black and white that we have discussed. I typed a notice letter and went to my boss’ office.

We both sat there and sobbed for a good 5 minutes.

The contents red:

24 May 2010

Dear Mady,

Well the time has come for me to move on, I knew this day was coming but I did not expect for it to be so soon. I want you to know this is an exciting time for me as well as a sad time.

I would also like to thank (Company) for all the opportunities in the last 9 years. I have grown so much within myself. It is indeed sad to leave such a wonderful company where you feel like part of the family. I will always look up to you as my mentor and will have the greatest respect for you and (Company) as a Company.

I have had wonderful times and have met wonderful people while working here. It has been a great honour working for (Company).

So today I would like to give notice for the period of one month from 24/05/2010 to 21/06/2010.

Once again thank you for everything.

Rentia Kruger

What a joy to leave a company in such a good spirit.

That is how it supposed to be.

The long awaited 2nd interview

2010-05-21T08:42:00.001+02:00

After 8 months of job hunting – finally a 2nd interview. There are no guarantees, I know, but I need the boost for my ego. I made an impression on someone. With this I can go forward, even if I do not get the job and have to go on like this for another year.

I have walked in to companies where I did not want to work. At one place the MD had 2 Romany Creams stuffed in his mouth. I tried to make out what he was saying, but to no avail. Well you just sit there and are nice while you would rather be sitting in traffic on your way to work.

This week I have practiced my presentation that I have to give to a class full of people tomorrow. I created a PowerPoint presentation to put on my memory stick because there will be a projector and a big screen ready waiting. I hope I make a good impression. All I could do to make things ok was to practice. The worst thing is to be unprepared. When you loose your chain of thought you have to know where to take off again.

I am looking forward to the 30th of June. I am going out with the girls to watch Eclipse, the third movie in the Twilight Saga. Tickets go on sale on the 29th of May so for those of you who are Twilight fans, get those tickets early. It is a midnight show. Hubby has promised to do Pajama drill for that one night.

This is it from me, Supermom on this Friday of 21 May, 2010.

Dear Dad...

2010-05-14T10:28:00.002+02:00

Dear Dad,

I’m not mad at you. At the time when all the following things happened in my life, I was furious.

I played hockey every Saturday in the winter months from Std 6 to Std 10.
I would have loved for you to be at one game.

I was in the girls shooting squad and we traveled all over.
I thought you could at least watch me shoot target once.

I was part of the Vaal Reefs Netball team.
All I wanted you to do was to attend one practice or game.-

I sang in the School Choir.
Maybe my voice would have made you clap if you came and watched.

I married the man of my dreams.
You were there Dad, but your refused to speech about your own daughter.
At least someone saved the day for me Dad. Someone who felt my pain. Someone who wanted me to have good memories when I think back on my Wedding day. He stood up and showed you how it is supposed to be done. He did not have to do it, Dad. I wasn’t his daughter for 26 years.

I got my Diploma in HR in 2004.
I stood alone on the stage, with my Husband clapping and smiling from below.
Yu were supposed to be proud of me that day, Dad.

My 1st Child was born in 2004.
Again you were absent. It was the first grand child. Where is the pride in that,Dad?

My 2nd Child is 8 months old.
Maybe if you put in a little effort, you can see his face for the first time.

The day you invited me to your 2nd Wedding after Mom died I declined. You resent me for that. Maybe it works both ways Dad.

Can you now understand why I miss my Mother so much? She was the only one who was interested in my Life, Dad.

My question is why do we always remember the absent times, and fail to hang on to the good times?

Because those were the times that mattered to me.

The Cross on Jim Fouche rd

2010-05-13T08:50:00.001+02:00

Who was Mark Lewis? Where was he on his way to when the accident happened? How old was he when he died? I tried to read the dates and all I couldmake out is that he was born in the seventies. Was he drunk? Did other people die too? He must have a family that still misses him. Or was he an innocent pedestrian on his way somewhere?

His name is engraved on a white cross that I pass on my way to work on Jim Fouche’ road every morning.

I guess there are better things to do than to sit in traffic and acknowledge dead people.

May his soul rest in peace.

The Presentation

2010-05-12T08:56:00.000+02:00

How do I get up and present in front of a class of 20 students? How do I get the butterflies in my stomach to fly in formation? It’s kinda like Motherhood. You don’t know what you are getting yourself into, and in the end you just do it because the rest of your life depends on it.

I have my notes ready. Practice makes perfect, and there is a little less nerves if you are prepared. (I think). This will be my third presentation while I am studying. I have all these creative ideas that will kind of brake the ice when I start. I can’t do a presentation on my own company because we sell an industrial product and that leaves little to the imagination as far as marketing go.

I decided to do a presentation on Pentel, my husband is in stationary and got me ne necessary samples and accessories to present. At the end of the presentation I will be giving away the samples. I did this with my last presentation and it was a hit. People like getting things for free. And hopefully the lecturer will see some creativity in that.

If I get nervous I babble and talk too fast. Last time I had to stop, apologise and take a deep breath. No use thinking too much about last time. This is different. A new start.

That brings me back to the first two questions in this blog.

I pray. I do my part. I succeed.

Another interview

2010-05-11T12:11:00.002+02:00

Turn left, right, left, left, right – and Bob’s your uncle. Easy peasy. At least I had a building name and I could go on that. It is a family business and I find those kinds of interviews always a little bit more personal, but I enjoy it. People make you feel at home. As if you are part of the family. Then again you have your pros and cons of working at a family business environment.

I am feeling a little bit more pressure at work, my boss’ daughter is back from London and she will start in my place when I leave. She has always helped out when she was in school and did a fine job, so at least I am leaving my job in good hands.

Everyday I am getting a bit closer, I can feel it. Yes I am sad to leave here too.

Life goes on I suppose.

Rosebank..Roseblank

2010-05-10T13:30:00.000+02:00

Yet another morning where I couldn’t find a place where I was supposed to go for an interview. The woman at the agency was arrogant when I phoned her; she just assumed I did not take a map book. I had the damn thing on my lap. Trying to drive in Rosebank with all its one ways and a map book on your lap plus your husband on the other end of the line on your cell – now that is a challenge.

Eventually I was in tears. It’s like I was from Mars asking for some place out of this world. Now I’m on my own I suppose. The woman at the agency tried her best at getting me this interview and I couldn’t find the damn place. And I am a woman - I do stop and ask for directions.

I wish these job seeking days were over. I have learnt so much on the other hand.

I am so down, ag but I will recover later.

The next interview is tomorrow at 8:00. Hopefully I will find the place.

The month of May

2010-05-03T13:51:00.000+02:00

It’s the month of May, and although it is always cold this time of year it is also a little bit sad. My mother’s birthday is on the 15th. Yes, I am a little bit mad because she wasn’t here to meet my children. But I’m only human. Sometimes you just need your Mom, whether you are 3 or 33. How do you fill an empty space? Time has never been my friend.

It has been 7 years and I can still hear her voice clearly in my head. Like when I was a child and she used to call me from the fence when I was next door playing. Part of my fear when she died is that I will forget her, that her voice and image will fade away with time. I am glad to say that it hasn’t. She’s still fresh in my mind.

Does life really go on after someone close to you die? Or does it stand still for some people. My whole world collapsed the day my Mother died. Will I understand one day? Not while I am part of this world.

Oh month of May, you bring good memories every year.

I cherish my time with my Children, because I don’t know how much precious time I have left. It’s not that I live in fear. I just make the most of every moment.

Life is precious. You’re the one that taught me that.

Assignments, building hunting..and children

2010-04-21T09:35:00.002+02:00

I’m busy with a group assignment. Yeah, it sucks if it is supposed to be a group and you are doing all the work. Like you need someone to be your right wing, your support, exchanging ideas to make this thing work. Me myself and me..again. I don’t know if I will have the courage to stand in front of the class on Saturday and express myself. Who knows if the people who were supposed to give their input will be able to read my work. Because that is what it is. MY work. Because I am the only one who is worried about the marks. I cry if I get 70%. Ok I cried. All because I misread a whole 20 point question which I knew but answered wrong. It could have been 90%. Ag, life sucks. To other people 39% is nothing. They don't even wink.

This morning I went building hunting again, and guess what, after numerous calls to the company I couldn’t find the place. What’s so difficult about putting on your best jacket and meeting me outside. Ok I cried because I couldn’t find the place and no-one could help me. I did stop and ask for directions – I am not a MAN for heavens sake! After an hour of site seeing through the buildings I decided to drive to work 50kms away. What a morning wasted!

On top of all this both children are sick, I did not sleep a wink.

My momma told me there will be days like this……..

New shoes

2010-04-13T09:01:00.001+02:00

Last night hubby came home with a brand new pair of tekkies for Claudia. She was so excited. Her old pair got lost at school, with her name marked on it and everything. I hope this time she will look after it more carefully. We have big school next year and it is better to teach her now than buying a new pair of school shoes every month next year.

It is amazing how children can get excited about the little things. Basically You might thing that you are there to teach your children lessons about life, but sometimes they let you see the world through their eyes and then you can learn from it yourself.

I miss the simple life. You would think life in the fast lane is exciting. Yes there is more to do, and many, many more opportunities. I don’t know if I will ever belong here.

It’s just too complicated.

Blue Monday post

2010-04-12T12:22:00.002+02:00

I’m so down. Maybe if I had a date that everything would get better, I would feel better because then you can plan your life again. I don’t know where I find the strength to go through each day. I have thrown away so many opportunities. Lost. Gone.

Still I am greatful for what I have, every day. I am still willing to drive the 50kms to work everyday. I am still willing to do everything at home. Be a good mother, sister, wife and friend. It’s just that sometimes the tears can’t be hidden. With every drop you feel better, and you find new strength. So yes, I think it is necessary to cry in order to feel better.

It is not the end I know. In time I will be positive again, and find the strength to pick myself up from the ground. But for now, I would like some time out. One can only give so much of yourself.

I just wish that my circumstances would change. This year. Any year. As long as I know it will. It could have been worse. There are people that are worse off than I am and here I am complaining. Ungrateful. That's what you call it.

Sometimes you do really have no one.

The Curse of the pen, the scissors, and the brush…

2010-04-07T11:27:00.001+02:00

The 3 things that used to get feet in our house while I was growing up was a pen, a pair of scissors, and a hairbrush. We even tied the pen to a string but to no avail, before long someone had plans with the pen elsewhere and untied it, for the next person to find an empty string.

So it is no surprise that I am always looking for the same 3 things in my house. This morning my brush was on the most wanted list. So it hit me – I am cursed. We are cursed.

My sister used to have the same problem, but swore she would not let this get her down, so now she puts these 3 items in a place where only she can find it, and of course she is the only one that knows to put it back after it has been used.

So now I am going shopping again this afternoon, Claudia has a project for Friday that would require cutting. Easier to buy one than to search for one….hmmmmm

The Evil blog...

2010-03-30T10:45:00.000+02:00

I have never believed that Harry Potter is evil. I have read the books myself. It seems Twilight has hopped on the bandwagon. Ai, just when you enjoy a good book or movie someone comes along and burst you bubble. It’s not like there is pornography or swearing in Twilight. But somehow it needs to be squashed. EVIL. Period.

My husband thinks Facebook is evil. I have stopped trying to explain. He thinks it is a place where you go if you want to meet people. (Never mind your current friends). So if this story leaks it can have devastating effects. Haha.

My sister knows Catholic people that believes the fairy wings that the little girls wear are evil.

Ai man.

Back to blogging..for now..

2010-03-29T08:32:00.004+02:00

So many things happened at the same time. I had a test, Corne’ was recovering from his operation. I went for a couple of interviews, I was turned down every time and of course it had disastrous effects. Hey, I’m human. Just when you have hope and think that you made a good impression they knock you down.

I won’t give up. I don’t care if this takes forever.

The test was ok – I came in to work an hour earlier last week to study 5 chapters. This one girl at college got hold of my study notes and wanted her e-mail it to her. I have to give another lady a lift on my way. We have to do a group assignment in April. I have made a couple of suggestions but I can see that once again I am going to do all the work and everyone is going to jump on the band wagon. I am the only one that cares about getting high marks. It is so unfair, but what can you do, you have to earn those marks.

I went for an interview on Thursday at FNB, I am waiting to hear from my consultant. I am really trying to stay positive. If I don’t get it, then at least I tried. I gave it my best shot, coz that is what you do, you give it your best shot. I don’t see it as setting myself up for disappointment. It is a learning process, and you have to step out of your comfort zone and take risks.

The right thing will come along. I don’t mind waiting.

Do we ever grow up?

2010-03-05T22:53:00.004+02:00

'Are you going to Chreche?' MIL asks Claudia on one of her morning visits.

'It's not a Creche! It's a school!' she slams her foot on the ground. That's right, I think, make yourself heard.

Sometimes when I get angry I wonder what kind of toddler I was. Probably difficult. You just have to look around you to see grown ups that are still throwing tantrums. In the bank. At the gocery store. At the Post Office where we know the service isn't that great.

My FIL is the worst. Sometimes I wonder who is more mature between him and Claudia. He once threw a tantrum because we bought her a bigger bikeand he could'nt understand that the bike he bought her was getting a bit small.

With grown ups the same principle apply - you just ignore them.

When he was done sulking he came back. He could'nt stay away for too long.

Marketing..Shmarketing

2010-03-04T11:04:00.004+02:00

The people in my Marketing class are weird. This one woman disagrees with everything the lecturer tells us. I know you are allowed to disagree with some things, but everything? We have to do a group assignment and I hope she does not end up in my group. It would be a challenge to have her in our group. One of our exams is coming up at the end of March and I am aiming to do better than her. Just to show her that she does not know EVERYTHING.

I was halfway to my chair when she shouted at me from across the room. She wanted to know what my reason was for doing the course. Shit. Is that an exam question? People like that are like a hundred stinging bees. They come, they do, they irritate, and they don't go away.

It is her first time and I understand that she is pumped up and enthusiastic about the course. I am hoping that she will cool down a bit as the weeks progress.

I try not to think too much about Monday. Shit.

There will always be another mountain…

Fashion, fashion, fashion

2010-03-03T12:27:00.001+02:00

I’m not a fan of pointy get-that-cockroach-in-the-corner shoes. But I had to buy it because I have to fit into the working class, and now I guess it will have to grow on me. Went to the mall today and bought some new clothes, an anniversary present from hubby. I am glad to see that I actually fit into the size I thought I would, it is embarrassing swopping the clothes for a bigger size which means more time spent in the changing room. Don’t you just hate the mirrors in there? It shows all the edges of your butt. Excuse me Mr store manager but I don’t like to see all the sides of my well curved body. If I look at my butt in that mirror I know how people see me from behind. Eeeeuw.

Well maybe I have to stop dressing like a Mom and dress more business like. Tomorrow I have to be at the Nelson Mandela Square and go up the West Towers for an interview. You don’t know how it is like walking in Sandton City. You can’t help it, you just want to fit in. Imagine being surrounded by a thousand professional business people.

Magic.

Monday is D-day

2010-03-02T11:40:00.001+02:00

So the dr confirmed it this morning – Corne has to go for the Op. I have mixed emotions at the moment. On the one side I feel relieved – we are finally going to get rid of the water in his testicle that has been there for the last 5 months. On the other side I am scared for my boy, under anesthetics and all the hospital procedures. The staff at the hospital is like robots. I have seen it many times.

He is not allowed to drink anything after 2:00 on Monday morning, and we only have to be at the hospital at 7:30. I will just have to endure it, but there is nothing worse than knowing that your child is hungry and you can do absolutely nothing about it.

We baptize on Sunday, so I have asked the family to come around afterwards. I try not to think about Monday, but the reality of it hits be every five minutes.

I am going for another interview on Thursday. My assignment is almost finished.

I will find the strength to go through this.

Hey, enough with all the drama. Bring on the rescue drops.

Monday blog...

2010-03-01T13:47:00.003+02:00

Today is my 7th Anniversary blah..blah..blah

I started my course on Saturday. The people attending are all weird, I was hoping to make a few friends but I guess Sales People sing a different song. I realized that I am the only Sales Assistant, and later I also found out that I am the only one who is married with children. Hectic, I am getting old.

I am excited about the assignments, we received 3 and I am already working on the one. With my limited time it is no use leaving stuff for later. Might as well get on with it and get it done before something gets in the way.

Oh, back to my anniversary. Honey I love you. I know we fight at times but I love it when we fight because then I know you still care. Thank you for 7 years. No use in painting a pretty picture, we have had our ups and downs, and love always wins in the end. I can write a whole blog page full of shit or a paragraph that comes from my heart. I prefer the paragraph from my heart.

I managed to find the story book for Claudia on Kalahari, the same one that my Mother used to read out of when we were children. In reprint. How lucky can you get. So from tonight we will have new stories again before bedtime.

That’s me Supermom logging off on a rather exiting Monday.

.

A handful of rice...

2010-02-26T09:28:00.001+02:00

It was at one of the many cell groups I have attended about 8 years ago that I came across an interesting lady. It was just before my wedding, and being the terrible cook that I am, I was stressed about what to cook every night for my husband-to-be.

She said not too worry, that the golden rule was the more you cook of one thing the better you become at mastering that dish. A hand full of rice for every family member was another helpful hint.

I feel like running to my sister when things go terribly wrong in the kitchen. But it’s not like she lives next door so thank heavens for cell phones. I don’t know what makes you a good cook. How do you develop a passion for food? I think she just payed more attention to the detail while my mother was in the kitchen. Maybe I was daydreaming when I was supposed to pay attention.

I guess some people are good at everything - the Martha Stewarts of the world.

Some days I really wish I had an Italian in the Cupboard…

Grade 1...The School readiness list

2010-02-25T10:07:00.002+02:00

I got the list of activities that they check for School readiness. Oh my word. That is all I can say. Some of the things (like writing 1 to 100 and writing your full name) I only got taught in Grade 2 or 3. But it is a good thing, so we can practice at home, all the 100+ activities that are on the list. Some of it I am not worried about, like the Shapes and the Colours and Body Parts.

Well good luck to me, good luck to us all. Grade 1 here we come.

I’m off to another interview scheduled for 12:30. I am honestly not in the mood, because the lady that phoned sounded like someone they got off the street – weird for a well known Company like that. I hope I am not going to waste my time.

I guess it is worth a shot. And I get to go home early and spend time with my adorable son. Every morning at 4 he decides that he is ready for the day. Babies have biological clocks hehehe. But by 7 he is exhausted again and fall asleep in the car on the way to his caregiver.

I'm off..have a good one people.

Hey preggie tummy...you're leaving??

2010-02-23T10:17:00.001+02:00

I tried on my no. 12 work tops that used to fit this morning – and what do you know it fit. I tried this about 2 months ago but it was all tight around my shoulders and the buttons wouldn’t even tighten around my waist, because my post-preg tummy was still showing off (hey I was proud of it till the very end).

It must be the Femodene I started taking about 2 months ago. I have always lost weight on it and did not gain an inch when I took it before. Well that is one of the nice after effects of the contraceptive, for me anyway.

The Scale showed I lost 3 ½ kg. And trust me I don’t step on it much, because I don’t like seeing the 10kg that I still have to loose before I have my pre-preg body back. Who does? Weight Smeight.

Well this was a nice surprise.

Start to the week

2010-02-22T11:59:00.001+02:00

Another Company has phoned to say that my application was unsuccessful. So I smile, and say thank you for the opportunity. Yes I am a bit sad, but I am just human and things like this do affect me in a way. One day I will look back on this and see that it was just another NO.

I know, it is hard to stay positive. You just go on, and keep your chin up, because you know that all good things come in good time. This is not the end of the road. Hey, if I could get pregnant after 5 years of trying I can find the perfect job.

At times like this I only have to look into my childrens eyes to find the joy in life again. They are the reason why I am here. If I can love them as long as I live then nothing else matters. First I am a Mother, and then my Career follows.

Somewhere out there, there is a place under the Sun. For me.

Ahh...Cape Town Memories..

2010-02-18T15:44:00.003+02:00

I came across these photos today. It was taken in Cape Town 2 years ago this April. That was the most fun I ever had in my life. There is a family reunion this year and they can surely count us in.

Well we were full of wine of course, but in a jolly good mood. My cousin (Sam)antha is in the middle, with me to her right and my sister at the left. I don’t think we slept at all. We were giggling the entire time. My cousins BF thought it was a good time to grab the camera…well what do you know.

I can’t wait to see the family in Cape town again. Maybe it is the Cape Town air, I don’t know, but I am always on a high when in CT. Too much fresh air and Wine you would think. LOL.

Back to school..and Christening plans

2010-02-18T10:00:00.001+02:00

So it is back to school for me in 2 weeks. Somehow I have other worries than school. I wonder if my husband will be able to run the normal Saturday morning chores for the 5 hours that I will be away. Well like I have said before, there is no time to get into it. The problem is he has 2 other options – MIL or my sister. They would be happy to help out – how convenient.

My life is slowly starting to get together now. I wanted to go back for so long and last year when I made the decision I fell pregnant. Truth is, I wanted a baby more than anything, and I was willing to sacrifice everything so I put the studies on hold.

I have been waiting for some positive phone calls, but don’t intend to waste my energy on it. I am only human. I get disappointed at times, but then I find the strength to go on.

I have requested a Christening document from the church. If all goes well the Christening will be the first sunday of March. MIL already asked if she could bring him in, and of course I said yes. I am kind of looking forward to it.

The mistake...

2010-02-17T10:24:00.003+02:00

Yesterday in the waiting room at the Pediatrician I peeped at the lady sitting next to me’s baby boy. He looked so small for six weeks. Her little girl was sitting on her lap. So I said that it’s good to have one of each, the boys are just a little closer to your heart.

The words that came out of her mouth send shockwaves through me. She just blurted out that he wasn’t supposed to be there, that he was a mistake. I was a complete stranger, but I still had the heart of a mother.

I have seen the tears in some women’s eyes when they talk about waiting to get pregnant - the one thing that leaves a special mark in your life as a woman. And now I have experienced the opposite. I don’t know how much I was supposed to read into those words. Is it something that you just tell someone you have never seen in your life? Is it something that you tell your child when he is old enough to understand?

The dr called our surname and I had to say something that I hoped would stay with her:

“Like I said, boys are closest to your heart.”

Once I heard these words: People that say "it just happened" have been trying for a long time. I will find comfort in that.

Ok..I am an addict

2010-02-15T10:01:00.002+02:00

I couldn’t sleep again so since Saturday I have read most of Eclipse, I think I have 100 pages left that I will easily finish in 2 days. I also got Breaking Dawn from my sister, and after that book I have to sit and wait for the movies to come out. I got parts of the new book she is writing now out of Edwards perspective – Midnight Sun.

What am I going to do when I have read all the books and watched all the movies – when it is all over. NO Twilight?? It is like so addictive. I can only wish that Stephanie Meyer gets creative again – another story is ok I can live with that. I doubt that someone like her will ever come along again – in this lifetime anyway.

LOL listen to me.

I'm a hopeless romantic I guess.

Friday blog

2010-02-12T12:55:00.003+02:00

The insomnia has once again kicked in. I haven’t slept the past 2 nights. At the end of this month it is back to study once again, and I might be in a new job as well. Hubby gets his new car today, because the current car is giving us too many problems. He has spent R20 000 on fixing it last year and now we are back to square one. I hate fighting about money but hey what am I supposed to do, sit back and relax and watch our money go down the drain?

I am going to see my best friend tomorrow; we haven’t seen each other in a while and tomorrow are the only time we could put aside for a visit.

People are still phoning to invite me for interviews, some people want you there this minute and for me it is almost impossible. It’s not like I drive around in Sandton everyday waiting for someone to phone me. This one woman who actually cancelled an interview the other day phoned me about 20 times yesterday while I was at the Pediatrician with Corne’. My phone was on silent.

Some of the jobs that I do apply for has over 400 hits, and that is in an hour. It is a war out there I tell you. I have never lost faith, and I know that one day it will be my turn to stand out from all the others. It is sad that so many people are looking for work. My lecturer in Damelin mentioned once that for every job, there are 17 unemployed people that will do your job better if they get the chance to. That’s why you have to be the best in what you do.

This morning I thought if it will be possible to be excited and sad at the same time. I will get the long awaited phone call but on the other hand I would have to say goodbye to wonderful people that I have worked with for ten years. You leave a part of your life behind. It (the building and people) will always be in your memories till you die.

I am looking forward to seeing my friend tomorrow. I need some distraction from all this.

Well that is it from me, Supermom, (b)logging of on this friday of February the 12th.

A place called home

2010-02-11T11:23:00.001+02:00

I suck at interviews. I handled all the questions I thought they would ask well, but when they asked me where I lived I F-R-O-Z-E. I had to think about that one…

You are not always prepared as you think you are. Maybe it would have come to me more easily if I have lived here my whole life – but I didn’t. I have been here 14 years and still I struggle to remember all the areas Joburg has to offer, plus all the sub-neighborhoods etc etc. Roodepoort alone is as big as the little town where I come from.

Well then, on the other hand I will stand out as the girl who had to think about where she lived. In the end it doesn’t matter where you live, or where you think you live, in the end you have to be able to be an asset to the company.

It’s closer to home – wherever that may be. :-)

Note to self – next time you prepare for an interview – ask yourself where you live.

Another day in interview town

2010-02-10T15:48:00.001+02:00

I have another interview lined up for tomorrow and another one next week. Nobody said that this was going to be easy. Well like I said, every opportunity knocks and you have to take it.

I miss writing blogs about the past. Writing blogs in the present sucks.

I finished New Moon and is halfway through Eclipse – I know just for your file 33. MIL moved in for another 2 months, so don’t ask me where I find the time for all this. Corne is going for his routine check up at the dr and I have to fit an interview in all in one day.
It’s hectic man.

Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

The song

2010-02-08T12:48:00.001+02:00

The song that relates to me the most?

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanting to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

Chorus:
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jetplane, far away
And break away

Chorus

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But, gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, break away

Chorus 2X

Break away
Break away

The interview

2010-02-08T12:14:00.002+02:00

Oh yay, I get to go to an interview in Rosebank tomorrow. I normally jump at every opportunity I can get – so I am greatful that the company invited me. I don’t put my heart into everything, because I know there are 17 other people who are also going to the same interview and one of us will be THE ONE. May the best candidate be just what they want.

I have been to dozens of interviews and I have learnt allot from each and every one – so bottom line – it helps if this is not your first (and only).

A couple of weeks ago I applied for a vacancy at a Law Firm. The add asked for a photo and I do not know why I did not see that part of the add – I normally go through all the adds carefully because you get weirdos out there – trust me, and I do not apply for any add that asks a photo (wtf you can see me in person!?). So the actual Lawyer himself (I googled his name) sent me an e-mail from his blackburry and asked for a photo. I replied that he should ignore my CV because I did not see the part where they requested a photo. So he asked why and I told him to get lost I am not auditioning for a Reality Show.

Anyway to make a long story short – this guy gave me chills. He kept on sending me e-mails after I said IGNORE my CV. About a week ago his PA (a.k.a skelmpie probably) sent me an e-mail asking if I am still interested in the job. And now the photo did not matter. So I said sorry I was never available.

Weird people, I tell you. Like my soul is for sale.

Ok..I'm a Twi-hard

2010-02-04T13:16:00.002+02:00

After going to the movies and watching New Moon the other day, I am reading the Twilight books all over again. I did not pay much attention to Twilight when the movie came out, but New Moon certainly got my attention. It’s been 3 days and I have 20 pages left of Twilight.

My sister said that I should read the books and then I will get a clearer understanding of Edward. I must say that I can’t put it down, I have been reading at work when my boss is out.

She is my kind of writer. It’s like I have been waiting my whole life for some book or movie like this. I am sad that it will end at Breaking Dawn – at least it will be split up in 2 parts but still – I want more of Edward and Bella!!!

I am happy to say that all has been sorted out at home. I could not help myself any longer and phoned her. Sometimes I am forced to get involved – and then I do without thinking. Well I feel better now. Bitch.

Nothing like Twilight to take my mind off things.

My personal space

2010-02-01T11:41:00.003+02:00

Yesterday a woman at my husbands work phoned and asked if he could take her sisters child to school in the mornings because she leaves at six.

So I completely FLIPPED. Sorry but she must keep on looking. What makes her think she can snap her fingers and my husband just has to jump up and down? He is nobody's personal chauffeur.

I am so close to phoning her today' but out of respect for my husband and his work I won't. Well at least he knows how I feel about this.

You see the million dollar question is -
where was I when everyone became so close? You really have to know someone well if you are going to trust them with your child, right? Now that is what we call a snake in the grass people. I can guarantee you my instinct has always served me right.

I have confronted him about this the moment he told me. I let him know that the first morning he drives that womans child to school I am moving out. It sounds a bit harsh but if you are married to me and your commitments are elsewhere you might as well live somewhere else.

Well I am fuming - for today at least.

You don't want to be married to me right now - trust me.

W

On the job hunt

2010-01-28T13:19:00.002+02:00

What a morning. After being messed around once again by unprofessional people that do not have a clue what they are doing I got in my car and came to work. Never mind job hunt - you sommer have to look for the people and buildings too. I don’t have time to drive around looking for buildings and people the whole day. I'm not freakin Sherlock Holmes. It’s a madhouse out there. I have sent a snotty e-mail to the relevant people involved.

Well next week will tell what is happening with the job issue, one has to be patient then things will start happening. One interview-that-did-not-happen down two interviews to go. Maybe today was a test to see to what extremes I will go to get a job. Well to me that spells one word – desperate. I will go the extra Mile but don’t play hide and seek with me.

I have said it before and I will say it again – what will be will be. That job just wasn’t for me.

We had the talk

2010-01-27T13:07:00.000+02:00

So I told my boss I am looking for other employment. A dumb move you should say – but we are on a level where I can tell her things like this. She totally understands that I can’t travel all this way every day. I said to her even though they pay my petrol it does not make up for my time. In the evening I only see Corne’ & Claudia for 2 hours.

I told her that a part of my life is at this place. I have accomplished so much here.

She said that she would give me a good reference for now if I need one. Well I have to choose between 2 possible jobs closer to home – and God will help me make the right decision. Thank God for all the good people in my life – and all the good people that will still be on my journey through life.

It is true what they say – it is when you are at the point to surrender that things turn around in your favor.

Life goes on

2010-01-26T10:37:00.001+02:00

Sometimes I wish I can move away from all this chaos. Just buy me a house in the country and sit on the stoep and knit while the children are playing in the garden. I should be so lucky. I do miss the laid back life in the country. Up here life is pretty much 1-2-3-in-your-face 24/7. I am always busy organizing something, or rushing to something, or sorting out other peoples problems. And then you ask yourself if it will ever end.

Claudia had her first swim class on Saturday. Hubby and I had a fight because Claudia, Corne’ and myself were all practically in the car when he offered to take her. I seriously don’t know what he is going to do with 2 children 3 weeks time when I go back to Damelin. He will probably rush to my sisters house when Corne has the first poo. Maybe he will learn a few things. See, it will actually be good for us all.

It was a sad morning indeed. I had to tell my maid that we won’t be needing her for the next 5 months. She got another job in the complex – thank God – but I still feel that I am contributing to her income every month and now I have to put my needs infront of hers. What was important is that I did not want her to feel that she did anything wrong. She has been so good. But she understood.

Life is never fair.

When did it get so busy?

The better person

2010-01-22T10:06:00.002+02:00

One of my bad qualities is that I sometimes struggle to be the better person. My argument is if a person does not like you and continue to treat you bad why do you have to keep on being friendly. Maybe I cut ties too easily. I don’t have the memory of a Goldfish – I will remember your face. I find it hard to forgive.

I only have 2 best friends and that suits me. I don’t need all of the friends in the world that talk behind your back anyway. Trust is a big issue for me – I don’t know why.

I do go to the occasional breakfast with the HR girls, and of all five only one is close to me. The rest is merely acquaintances. I also don’t accept everyone on Facebook. I am not in a race to see how many friends I can get even if I don’t know who they are.

Yes, I do care if people like me or not. But I don’t go out of my way. Take me as I am.

I am practicing to be a better person - but don't ask me to kiss A**.

The tribe has spoken

2010-01-21T12:46:00.001+02:00

I am a happy girl today. My Aunt in CT whom I have not spoken to in a year sent me a sms to say that she is not mad at me anymore. We are both so stubborn. We had a fight a year ago when she came to Joburg and could not make time to see us. It was not on purpose but I did not see it that way at the time.

So now we have to catch up on a whole year of skinner. Usually when I hear a story the family in the Free State knows already. I sent her MMS’s of Corne’ and Claudia. I missed her so much and I am glad we could forgive and forget.

She is my mother’s oldest sister. The Wild Aunt whom I blogged about before is the youngest.

My other Aunt who is married to my Mothers brother invited me on FB but I did not accept. We went there one Easter and it was the worst reception I had in my life. You know what; if you don’t want me at your house, just ask me to leave. Don’t make me feel unwelcome for 3 days.

Now everyone is inviting me left right and centre probably because I have posted pics of Corne’ on FB that only my friends can see. I have kicked off half of my family. They did not bother knowing me while I was growing up so why must I be friends with them now on a social network.

I’m just funny in that way.

The start of day

2010-01-20T15:19:00.000+02:00

This morning before 5’o clock:

I cleaned the kitchen.
I put in a load of washing.
I made a bottle for a hungry baby.
I fed a hungry baby.
I played with a happy baby.
I had a bath.
I took out the trash.
I put out some clothes for Claudia & Corne’.
I put the filter coffee on to be ready when hubby wakes up.
I sent an sms to one of my best friends.
I fed the Cat.
I let the Cat out.

Oh what a joy to be me….

The new friend

2010-01-19T12:07:00.000+02:00

Sometimes I wonder what is going on in my 5 year old daughters head. She speaks to herself while she is playing – but the weird thing is that it is in English. Then again I would’nt know what is going on in any 5 year olds head.

She has a new friend at school whose name is Kyla. The teacher told me yesterday that they are inseparable. Claudia and her other friend of 2 years Ziane was split at the beginning of this year, there are 2 gr.0 classes and there you have it. The other day Claudia got into the car and was a bit sad. She said that Ziane walked over on the playground and hit her new friend in the stomach (which the teacher saw and sorted it out right there and then). She was mad that Claudia had a new friend. Claudia was a bit confused and did not understand why Ziane would do something like that.

I explained to her that she and Ziane are in 2 different classes now and it is up to Ziane to make new friends in her new class. Or they can all play together as a group in break.

But she seems happy with her new friend.

Oh February...

2010-01-18T12:31:00.001+02:00

I don’t know what it is. I can’t sleep. You would think – of course I have a baby so that explains it. The problem is the baby does sleep well, it is I who can’t switch my brain off at night. Do I worry? I don’t know. Am I excited about things that are happening in my life? I don’t know. If I knew I would be sleeping like a baby – well my baby anyways.

Corne’ and Claudia are both going to hospital in February. Maybe that is what makes me roll around at night. I thought of making Corne’s appointment towards the end of February so that we don’t have it all in one go. I don’t know how I am going to get through it. I just wish February would be over already.

My increase is due end of January. The house rent goes up at the end of March so if I don’t get increase things might get a little tight.

I have been job hunting for the last four months. If you want to see how rude people can get then start job hunting. At least I am not “desperate” for work so I can and will answer back if I think you are getting too personal. Why do people think you have to be at their feet “begging” them for work. I am patient and trust that the right thing will come along.

I don’t know what the next couple of months hold.

Trying to stay positive here.

The Art of Giving...

2010-01-15T12:06:00.000+02:00

Once I sat in casualties and saw a child being brought in who was bitten by a dog. I helped her father fill I the hospital admission forms.

Once someone’s A.T.M card would not work. Later I saw her in the shop talking to someone so I gave her R20 and walked away. She bought bread with the money.

Once I gave a book about Small Gardens to the old lady next door, I thought she needed it more than I do.

Once a year I make an anonymous donation to the National Council for the Blind.

Once I gave away 2 stationary goodie bags in a presentation that I did in my Damelin Class.

Once I bought 2 x Westlife tickets and gave it away for free.

Once I packed sandwiches for a good cause.

Once there was a lost Cat at my door so I opened a can of tuna.

Once I gave a stray dog some water in a bowl.

Once I gave up my seat to an old lady in a full doctor’s room.

Once I gave a criminal all my belongings and prayed that he wouldn’t kill me.

That is the only time I gave in fear, without love.

At last - a me-year

2010-01-15T11:36:00.001+02:00

Talking about too much on your plate - I have enrolled for Sales and Marketing. You know what I have learnt that there is no time like now. I will have to do it and worry about the finances later. Well it is either the DSTV or the Maid that has to be put on hold for 6 months. I aint giving up my TV….. Claudia’s extra murals are also R500 a month extra but we don’t cut our finances when it comes to the children with good reason.

They still have my registration fee. I paid it last year round about this time before I discovered I was pregnant. Well with the MC and everything hubby and I decided that we did not want to put unnecessary stress on the baby so it had to wait.

I am starting at the end of February. This can’t wait another year.

This year I am dedicating to ME.

Call me selfish

On Life

2010-01-14T13:07:00.001+02:00

Corne’ started eating this week - ag my boy is getting so big now. Claudia and her father are joined at the hip. I’m so glad I can give someone attention now, they kind of pushed me on the curb the last couple of years. I know *sob* *sob* sad story.

When Claudia turns around she wants to know where her father is. She runs to him first thing in the morning. She wants him to drop her off and fetch her from school. Hey I’m not complaining, while the going is good… Sometimes he just wants to sit and relax and then she is all over him. He doesn’t get mad. I just laugh. I know from experience that it is tough to keep up with a 5 year old. They have LOTS of energy- even I can’t keep up.

I can’t imagine my life without my family. Joel Osteen says that you have to pray in the morning for Angels to be around your husband and children during the day.

We have to be greatful for everyday.

The Eraser

2010-01-13T08:36:00.003+02:00

Today I have thrown out most of my deceased boss’ old files. It’s been a year now and it’s not easy sitting here erasing a peace of his life. I realized that we can not hang on to the files any longer. The others left me with the sad task. It’s one of those things that will be ok to people if they don’t see it.

He used to make allot of notes. He was so organized. When I open each file and look at his handwriting (that was still neat at age 85) my heart just miss a beat. When I first started here I had to learn the way he wrote his D’s & A’s & G’s.

Some mornings when I enter the office I find the frame of his Lifetime Award in the Timber industry a little skew and then I just sigh and hang it in a straight line again. He does visit for all that we know.

Once I red in an article that our footprints will be on earth long after we have gone.

These papers are just a drop in the bucket of the legacy that he left behind.

.

Dear Mom...

2010-01-12T15:22:00.001+02:00

So much has happened since my last letter. You have a new grandson. Sometimes when I look at my children I know how much joy you must have had with us in the house. Life sometimes gets lonely when I realize I can’t pick up the phone to ask you for advice, cause as you know even with the 2nd child it can get a bit too much sometimes.

Dad did not even know I was pregnant, the whole 9 months he turned a blind eye. Maybe part of it is my fault – I should have made more time to visit and let them know that another one is on the way.

Corne’ is a sweet laughing baby, like his sister. He sleeps well, I only wake up twice a night and sometimes he spoils me then I only wake up once.

Life has changed in the last year - for the better I must add. I realized that one of the biggest blessings is ones children. The children take up most of my time, now we I have to really manage time if I haven’t been serious about it before. We all had to adopt to the new baby. Claudia has learnt to be more patient, that things can be attended to in 5 minutes and not right then on the spot.

Claudia is in Gr0 this year and excited to start her first swimming class on Saturday. I see so much of myself in her when I was her age. I can remember when I was five years old. She has a big imagination like me.

Oh I miss you so much. I wish you were here. But we can not always have everything in life I suppose. Life has to go on without you. You are always in my mind.

Thank you for being the best Mother to us. That helps me today, more than you will ever know.

It's just that it is another year without you, that's what's making me so sad...

It's a BFN

2010-01-12T09:04:00.001+02:00

Oh what a relief – I’m not pregnant. And yes there is a sad side to the news also. Now I need to rest. I have experienced all of the emotions you can think of in the last couple of days. I thought Corne’ was going to get a friend. Claudia was begging for a sister LOL.

I am still seeking alternative employment at the moment and the thought of staying another year was bad enough. It’s the traffic that gets to me. Hey we all get a bit of traffic now and then… Things are looking up and I hope I would be out of here by March. That’s another sad goodbye, but one thing I have to do, it left me with no choice.

Hubby was awfully quiet the last couple of days. He started talking this morning again when I gave him the news. I guess he was collecting money in his mind if there was a new baby on the way. So now I have learnt a big lesson in the name of parenthood. I guess any news would have been good news. As long as your love lasts forever you can make time for another child. You can love it and look after it. .

People adapt to lifestyles. A new life chooses you to be its caregiver.

So guess who is going to the nearest Dis-chem on her way home…

P-H-E-W GIRLFRIEND……

Eish...a bon in da ovon

2010-01-11T10:22:00.004+02:00

When you have a four month old baby and you get a pregnancy scare it’s not so funny anymore. Imagine being pregnant for 2 years with a four month break. As you all know I was pregnant for most of last year.

I have not tested yet because I don’t know what news will make me happier. Maybe it is better for me not to know what route my life will take. On the one side I am yearning for another baby, because my children bring me so much joy every day. If it is a BFN I would find my way to the nearest Dischem to get a packet of Femodene. Then I would loose all the baby weight (I know I have made promises that I might keep).

So what if it is a BFP? I would say it all fell in to place, and the same goes for the opposite. No use in calling hubby and I irresponsible. We had the need and we did the deed. With a baby I haven’t had time to get the Pill…I know I know call me irresponsible LOL.

I will know tomorrow. Honestly, I am not praying for a BFP or a BFN.

Whatever will be will be.

My best friend is Sad

2010-01-05T09:45:00.001+02:00

I get an sms from my best friend. Although we are 200kms apart I can sense her heartache in the few lines that I read. I wish I could hug her and listen to the whole story she is trying to describe in a few lines. She has trouble with the husband. We all have our troubles with the men in our lives, but for a moment any fight that hubby and I ever had seemed like nothing compared to hers. I feel blessed.

We all choose our partner in life I suppose. She wants to be with someone who treats her like shit. I can understand that it is more complicated when you don’t have a foot to stand on and there is children involved. She always gasps at the things I say to my husband and I could’nt think that she would dare say anything like that to her husband. Truth is – she always has to explain herself and that is no life.

I don’t want to compare our marriages so I always tell her that my husband also has the little issues that we just can not get out of the way - which is true.

No use in painting a pretty picture of your marriage when your friend is sad.

Get on the floor and be sad with her.

On Education

2010-01-04T09:32:00.001+02:00

Grown ups always used to ask the same question when we were little – what you would like to be when you are older. I always said a Window Dresser – those tannies that used to travel from town to town going around the local Foschini dressing up the dolls in the window according to the way the head office wanted it.

When the time came in Matric to make some career choices I wanted to become a Graphic Designer. Representatives of the Universities and Colleges in our area visited our school and I was armed with all the pamflets and details to I approach my Dad. I don’t know what made me think that he would make a plan to pay for anything I wanted to do. Maybe I was to closed minded back then, expecting him to pull the money out of a hat or think up some rich uncle in the family that would gladly pay.

I had to throw all the information in the dustpin. I have never blamed him for not giving me the after school education that every child “deserve”. It was enough to encourage me to do the opposite one day when the time comes for my children to make some career choices.

Years later with lots of encouragement from my husband I did get a diploma and some certificates that helped me get ahead in life. We have a blessed life and even though it happened later in life for me it did happen, I did not have to give up my dreams entirely.

Once I heard someone say that every child “deserves” a tertiary education. We are talking about lots of money here. You deserve love and security as a child, and to be treated fairly.

I don’t blame my parents for not giving me the education after school that I “deserved”. Some people have more opportunities than others. I get it.
Everyone is responsible for their own life.

The books on my bedside table

2009-12-31T08:32:00.001+02:00

Some are a bit old, some are new, some are borrowed…

I am ah huge fan of Jodi Picoult, she tends to jump from character to character so you can get everyones point of view in the story.

Perfect Match
My Sisters Keeper
Mercy

Battlefield of the Mind – Joyce Meyer
Joyce is a true inspiration. With a troubled childhood she rose up from her circumstancesand faced the world. I can relate to her. She knows where she is coming from and heading to.

7 Steps to a better you – Joel Olsteen
An American preacher whos dad used to work in the cotton fields and built a church from scratch.

Relationship Rescue – Dr Phil(lip) McGraw
His motto is – People will only do what works for them – So true.

Chicken Soup for the Christian Womans Soul
Chicken Soup for the Working Womans Soul
Chicken Soup for the Ocean lovers Soul
These are my all time favourate. True Stories that opens the heart and rekindle the spirit. Sometimes when I am lost I only have to read one of the stories and then I am on track again.

Anderkant die Scrap – Dana Snyman
He is my favourate Afrikaans Author. He is a storyteller that I can relate to. I would like to meet him one day so he can sign the book.

Mense van My Asem – Steve Hofmeyr
Many people might not think so, but he is a true inspiration. I have been a fan since his “Agter elke Man” days. Yes his eyes might wander a little, but he is a phenominal singer/songwriter. He also stands up for the Afrikaans culture and language. Unlike Joost - he leaves no stone unturned in this book.

Well that’s my bedside full of books. At the moment I have no time to read, but this stage of my life shall pass too and then I will be able to read a little...

Us

2009-12-30T10:22:00.003+02:00

This morning at 2:00 am I was holding a hungry baby whose life entirely depends on me for survival. We shared a smile as I looked into my own eyes. A little hand grasped the neckline of my nightgown as if he wanted to let me know that that was the way he felt safe.

At 2:20am I watched those same eyes drift off. He drank the Milk as if it was the last bottle and he would never have the chance again.

We don't need much at that time of the morning. When our eyes meet the world and everything in it is forgotten.

It is true that nothing prepares you for Motherhood.

What were you doing at 2:00am this morning?

The New Year

2009-12-28T20:29:00.003+02:00

Life does not always turn out how you want it to be - true. Last night I was thinking about the new year and all the adventures that waits. Did we have a few surprises this year.

I don't know where I will be a year from now, but I feel positive that it will be in a better place. The challenges of 2009 lies behind me. I climbed that hill.

Every year has it's challenges. I don't know if I am ready for any of them in 2010. I try to be positive though. Yes, there will be days that you cry and ask "what now?". On the other hand there will be joyful days where your heart miss a beat. But who am I to predict 2010?

I try and be greatful for every day.

So people, the new year is upon us. Try and stay positive.

May we all have a good one and may God be with us in all we do.

2009-12-09T13:11:00.001+02:00

Ok all you crazy bloggers, time for me to take some time off and relax. This is my last blog for 2009. I will be back in January and hopefully try to fit as much blogs into 2010 as I can. At long last (and way overdue) I am getting internet at home as a Christmas present so yay for that!!

We have had a rough week, Corne’ had to see the urologist on Tuesday and might need a small operation in February to set things right. But it can all change I pray that things don’t have to go that way.

Keep on blogging till the brightest star on the Christmas tree fall on your head and you need a glass of wine and some marzipans to make it all better.

HO HO HO.

I love you always.

XXXX

The South Coast

2009-12-09T08:37:00.001+02:00

It was in June 2008 when we decided to drive down to the Natal coast to show our daughter the sea for the first time. She just loved playing in the sand. She and her dad ran along the beach jumping at the waves and chasing sea birds.

It was nice to get away. The beach was there for us to enjoy, it was out of season and only a few locals hang around that couldn’t be bothered much.

What is magic for us is that as little as she was at the time she still recalls that holiday. She asks us often if we remember that we did this and that, then my husband and I just look at each other in amazement. That is what we are there for, to contribute to her happy childhood memories.

We have decided to take a trip to the Coast in March next year, when our son is a little bigger and then our daughter can return to her favourate place – the beach where she has fond memories.

The Biology Teacher

2009-12-07T10:49:00.001+02:00

Our grade 12 Biology teacher used to take a week off a year and travel to the City to sit on park benches to talk to strange people. (Those were the good old days when you could still do those things). She used to share her life experiences with us while teaching the anatonmy of the human body. I was amazed the stories she told. She could tell persons whole life story in a couple of minutes. She made me realise that there was life beyond the small town that we lived in. And if you had a big imagination like me you would hang on to every word she said and take to the stories in an instant.

She was an interesting person. She never had a Pizza in her life, or Coke for that matter. She did not believe in reading the newspapers or watching the News on TV. To some people she might have sounded a bit borring but she was the most interesting person I have ever met indeed.

She gave me hope beyond my boundaries.

On Rotten Tomatoes

2009-12-04T08:51:00.001+02:00

Once I was running away from my Dad hoping to escape the hiding he was about to give me. He chased me around the house. My Mom used to put green tomatoes on the kitchen window silk to ripen and sometimes one or two were forgotten there to rot. When Dad realized we could run around the house all day with all my energy, he grabbed one of the rotten tomatoes when we passed the kitchen window and threw it at me.

Surprisingly the hit against my head was soft – but the bad part was that I had rotten tomato all over me. Dad turned around and laughed. Justice was done – it was way better than a hiding.

And that’s how I got hit by a rotten tomato once.

The Plant Whisperer

2009-12-03T08:44:00.002+02:00

We have a small garden and I am sad to say that we hardly give any attention to it. The old woman next door who talks to her plants’ garden looks like a small paradise compared to ours.

Every Sunday when my father in law comes for his weekly visit he just sighs and connects the hose to the tap to give the thirsty garden a little water.

“These plants need water and attention,” he always says.

I don’t have time. Besides, I am not a plant person. When my mother died someone gave me a plant and it died within 2 days. Plants have senses and things.

Plants die you know, if you don’t look after it.

No Shit.

Searching for Snow

2009-12-02T09:14:00.001+02:00

One winter about eight years ago we jumped in the car to go searching for snow. I would’nt say that it was my wild days back then, I was just a little bit less responsible than now. We drove around lesotho and the closest we came to snow was to see it on the peaks of the Drakensberg. We stayed in a lodge at the bottom of the hill just before you go to Tiffendel – SA’s famous ski resort.

On our way we had breakfeast in the free state I think at a cold cold town called Smithfield, where we were informed by the locals that it snowed there a week earlier.

I have only seen snow twice in my life or rather touched snow twice. Once was in 1995 in the town I grew up in – it snowed for the first time in 20 years. The last time was about 2 or 3 years ago in Joburg but it only lasted for about 2 days before the sun melted it all away.

Well that was my wild weekend of driving – all in the name of snow.

The Capetonian

2009-12-01T11:57:00.003+02:00

Last year when my sister and I flew to Cape Town there was something about the Cape Town men that struck us. Wherever we went to visit the family or friends we would find men in one of two places – either behind the stove or behind the sink doing the dishes with their hands in the water. At my Aunts house my cousins took care of the dishes.

My one cousins husband went to the shops and returned with shopping bags and a Paw-paw of all things. Who would have thought to go past the fruit isle and get a Paw-paw? To put it this way, if my husband came home from the shops with a Paw-paw, I would’nt know wheter to throw it at him or grab it and hug him. Her husband also cooked the meal that evening and did the dishes. We were really impressed. We asked my cousin what the magic ingredient was…maybe it was the women behind the men that made all the difference.

Oh and something else, you have wine three times a day, where there is food it has to go with a good wine and the people down there know their wine might I add.

Cape town is a bit laid back like they say. Gauteng is one big rush..

Serious Bru, SPOIL the lady. That’s what they do down there.

The Wish

2009-11-30T09:00:00.001+02:00

I was standing at the check out point in a supermarket when my eye caught the little girl in a trolley a short distance away. She looked so familiar, and in my mind I was trying to place her. Then I saw her mother and it all came back to me. They were in our Saturday play group about 2 years ago where I took my daughter to. I couldn’t recall her name but I can remember that the only thing she could talk about was having a 2nd child. Some Saturdays her eyes would be swolen when she came to class. To all of us it seemed like it was the only thing she could focus on at that time. Almost as if she forgot about the joy that the child she already had brought her.

After a year when it was time for my little one to go to nursery school we left the group, and it still did not happen for her at the time. I remember saying a prayer for her, to ask God to give her a child if it was His will, and I also asked for acceptance if it did not ever happen for her.

What got my heart beating faster is that there were 2 children in the trolley in the Supermarket that day. A little boy got added to the family in the time we were apart. I wanted to walk up to her and congratulate her but decided not to. She got what she wanted, and I will let her have her moment for the rest of her life.

I am happy for her.

The Holiday

2009-11-27T08:47:00.004+02:00

October 2002. The Garden Route. It was the first holiday my husband and I took as a couple. March the following year we were getting married. My husband-to-be thought it would be a good idea to invite my parents along, he called it some “bonding” time with the in-laws before the big day. My parents have never been to that part of the country, in fact with money being a bit tight it was the first holiday they took in many years. My Father was so excited when we invited them along. He got out his Map book and planned the route and all the stops.

We were staying at a lodge in Plettenberg Bay and my mother could’nt stop talking about the soft beds that they slept on. She enjoyed it so much. The one day we took them to a Winery just outside Plett. They stocked up on Wine for the next year! The next day we went to Knysna and got on a boat to get close to the famous Two Heads. The most beautiful memory I have of that holiday was on the beach at Wildernis. My husband comes from Namiba and was used to swim in the cold water at the beach. We all laughed when he jumped at the waves and we couldn't believe he had the nerve to swim!

It was her last holiday before she died on 27 November the following year. I am greatful to this day that I could give her that little bit of paradise before she died. Because that is what that part of the world is, a green paradise.

I still see her sitting on the beach at Wildernis, enjoying the Sun and wind in her hair.

Today she has been gone 6 years, and I still cry on days like this.

The City that never sleeps

2009-11-26T10:04:00.003+02:00

The other day I was on Google Earth exploring New York City and discovered that 5th Avenue and Madisson runs parralel with one another and does not cross like I initially thought. See, I always wanted to go take a picture on the corner of 5th and Maddison, and yeah I discovered that that aint going to happen.

If there is one place on earth I would love to visit before I die, it is NYC. I don’t know, many people will say I have been watching too many movies. But it all interests me. Central Park. Time Square. Ground Zero. The Empire State building. I have felt like this for a long time now, before they even started shooting romantic movies in that City. Although, I am a sucker for any movies that is on location in New York.

Imagine living in New Jersey and driving across a huge bridge to get to work. Or walking the streets and standing in the middle of Time Square.

It’s all there waiting, the City that never sleeps.

People who dream the most, do the most.

On Life

2009-11-25T09:33:00.003+02:00

The day before my Mother died my husband and I drove through to the hospital. After sitting at her bedside until late she begged me not to leave. She was halusinating, most of the things I could not make out. She talked about the TV remote that was hidden under the couch pillows at home. The next moment she would talk about her sister that was dead that stood next to her bed. She knew I was there. I cried so much, and did not want her to see that I was upset. It broke my heart to see her like that.

I gave her a kiss on her forehead and promised to be back in the morning. Sadly, that is the last time I saw her alive. The feeling of leaving her there to die all alone is something that will haunt me every day for the rest of my life. There is not a day that goes by that I at least think of it once or twice.

She loved me so much my whole life. She gave up her career for us, she gave up everything. It was the least I could do for my mother, but instead I walked out.

I never thought for one moment that she would be gone by 8:00 the next morning.

I have had dreams about her waving from a window and showing me everything is ok.

She tried to connect via my dreams, and that’s all comfort I have.

The Tombstone

2009-11-24T13:48:00.003+02:00

“We have decided to go to the graveyard before you return home this afternoon,”my Stepmother says. It is January 2004, about 3 months after we laid my Mother to rest. Holy Shit, I think. Seriously? If you are trying woman, you are not very convincing.

“I’m not going to the graveyard with you, sorry, nothing personal.” For f*ck sakes, I think, it is personal but here I am trying to be nice in an awkward way even if it does mean I have to tell a lie..

The truth is, I do go to the graveyard on my way to Joburg, and I still prefer to go alone. By now my Father is fuming, but with all the years of experience I leave him to cool down, no use in lighting a fire that is already lit. It might be a good gesture in his eyes to go to the graveyard, but I’m not buying any of this. She should just stop trying so hard, maybe then we could be friends.

While she was organising her wedding with the money that was meant for the Tombstone, I did the good deed and ordered one because I knew there would never be one if someone does not take action. That is one promise I kept to myself, that I would give my Mother the Tombstone she deserves. That was the last thing I could do for her. If I left it up to my Father and his wife, there would still be a empty space with a number on it.

My Mother was not just a number.

On Love

2009-11-23T11:21:00.003+02:00

My children mean the world to me. I never thought I could love so much until I became a mother. And if you think it is love the 1st time around, try doubling or even trippeling it the 2nd time you become a mother. Life has been treating us pretty fair so far. I know that God can take away just as quickly as he gives, so I am on my knees every morning thanking him for the precious moments I can share with my children as long as I have them.

I think children are the greatest gift, and we are lucky to have two. My heart still goes out to my friends that are trying. For the 3 years that we tried I felt like a failure. Six weeks after that I got a wake-up call. Nine months after that I had a healthy boy. All in good time I always say.

Never give up on your dreams.

Motherhood

2009-11-20T12:12:00.002+02:00

If you are going to be a mother and complain about being spit on or being vomited on then you might have to pass the whole idea of becoming a mother in the first place.

I can’t tell you how many nights I have sit up with my now 5 year old, in the middle of the night since she was a baby. There is no time to carry her to the bathroom or fetch a bucket – you just have to grab what you can at that very moment (even if it means you have to take off your pajama pants and try and clean up while you are covered with vomit) The fact is they are going to get sick. I can’t remember how many times she has had a fever.

Once when she was potty training I found her in her room with s*it all over and being creative on the walls of her room. Some S*it art on a Saturday afternoon – how lovely.
My question is…are you ready for Motherhood?

It really is not as bad as they make it out to be.

The Other Best Friend

2009-11-20T09:45:00.002+02:00

We met six years ago in one of our Saturday classes we were attending at Damelin at the time. Her nickname was “Tamatiekind” because she got 36% for one of her tests and we all know how many tomatoes goes into a bottle of All Gold Tomato sauce.

We started talking one day and discovered that we were married at the same venue within a week from one another. We both had a Red Bull and Vodka shot given by us by the venue owner before we walked down the isle. We drove in the same car also provided by the Venue. The only reason she did not get married the day I did because it was her birthday. When it is my annerversary I sms her birthday wishes, and she wishes me a happy annerversary. 7 Days after that I return the annerversary wishes. That is our special connection, and we have’nt been too busy ever since to do that every year.

When we were busy writing our finals I discovered that I was pregnant, with lots of cheering from the class and her being the main stirer. Two years after that she fell pregnant and I was right by her side. This year we managed to have our babies in one year, something that did not work the first time for us but now we are happy that it happened for us. And we both have agreed that 2 is enough for now.

The other day she brought me cupcakes when I was down with the blues.
Now that is what I call a friend

The Ninja

2009-11-19T09:01:00.002+02:00

It was one Christmas at the Botanical Gardens that we saw this little boy running along the path up to a Moslem woman who was covered in black clothes with only her eyes showing.

“Are you a Ninja?” he asked. You could hear everyone around us holding their breath, like they could’nt believe what this boy just asked!

“No,” she replied and I am sure she had a smile hidden somewhere under all that black material.

When she passed we all burst out laughing.

Now that was a funny moment that I will remember for the rest of my life.

The Weight issue

2009-11-18T08:29:00.001+02:00

Every day since the birth of our Son I have been stepping on the bathroom scale. It has been 10 weeks and I am already 13kg down. Most days it is 1 kg other days it is half. I was also breastfeeding for the first time, with my daughter I never had the chance. Could it be the breastfeeding? What ever it was, it worked. One of my friends who had a baby 2 weeks after me said she is going to continue with this until she is 21, I second that.

The last time I stepped on the scale was the morning before I went in for my C-sec, I was 95kg. This morning I took a deep breath, like every morning before this one and stepped on, so it red 82kg. I am happy. Does the weight fall off quicker with boys? I think I lost 5 of the 22 kg that I put on with my daughter and that was my starting weight on this pregnancy – 74 kg. For now that is my goal weight. No use dreaming about the 60kg body I had when I met my husband, lets just get halfway there for now…

So, 13kg down, 9 to go.

I am loving this.

The right thing will come along

2009-11-17T14:03:00.003+02:00

So I did it. I sent my CV to about 40 recruiters. The time has come. I love this place, and it will indeed be sad to leave. My experience in life is if there are too many things that are working against you then it is time to move on to bigger and better things. At the moment is not the work but rather the 50km one way traveling to work, and my children that are far that are issues. I am so happy here and am excited to move on, but on the other hand sad to leave.

I have had so many great opportunities here. In the 10 years that I have been here I have always been treated fair, and I have had lots of opportunities to better myself which I grabbed with both hands.

God will put my CV in the right hands. It is just a matter of time.

A place called hospital

2009-11-17T09:02:00.001+02:00

It must have been 2 or 3 years ago when my child ended up in hospital with a bad chest infection. Like I have always said to the mothers on the forum, I don’t wish that on anybody. It is the worst feeling when you see your child in a hospital bed, and you as a mother has done every possible thing you can and now the doctors has to take over. We are supposed to protect them, be there for them. You feel like the biggest failure. I cried even before she was admitted, because as a mother you just know that she is going to be admitted whether you like it or not.

So my father in law had to make a scene in the middle of all this. He just hemiliated me more, you have no idea how it feels to have the Hospital Manager stand next to your bed and try to explain that only 2 adults are allowed per bed in the Childrens ward, and the rest would have to wait their chance outside. It’s a hospital, of course there are reasons to the rules and regulations.

I felt so bad about everything. In the middle of being worried sick about my child, I still went and appologised to the security woman at the entrance. No one else would bother, and unlike my inlaws being set in their ways I treat everyone equal and with respect. She was there, doing her job, was it so difficult to understand?

The day my daughter came home we flew to Cape Town and the salt and humidity in the fresh Cape Town air helped to clear up any mucus that was left, so she was her old self again after just one day.

We had a wonderful time those few days. That’s all we needed after that horrible experience that left us empty as a parents.

I felt fresh and ready for motherhood again when we returned.

If you could, would you?

2009-11-16T11:35:00.002+02:00

Ok let’s say you are 19 and the world is waiting for you to explore. You have a chance to move in to the Playboy mansion and explore a whole lot more. Would you? Would you pack up all your things and move for a chance to see the world in exchange for some fun with Mr. Hefner?

We all know Hugh Hefner has money – and lots of it - but would money be enough motivation to grab the bull by the horns? Or the old man by the balls..lol. Imagine chasing your twin sister through the halls and picking up a little dog’s poo. The dogs are the worst. Why does every girl have to have 2 little doggies that makes such a mess eeeuw.

I don’t know, Mr. Heffner is sweet and all, but my morals and beliefs go way beyond money. I suppose I would last for one day. It is night time that I am most afraid of – and money would not motivate me at all.

I love my own bed, and some fresh muscles might I add.

I miss Kendra, Holly & Bridgett. The new girls are boring.

Can they cancel the show now Mr. Seacrest….*yawn* *yawn*…

If the shoe fits

2009-11-16T09:26:00.002+02:00

I don’t know why I always look at a person shoes when I meet someone. It is an old habit. A habit that helped me choose my husband, my friends and all my boyfriends. Once a guy visited me in Slops, and I showed him the door. My sister was so mad at me coz he was a local at the gym and she could not believe I looked past all the muscles down to his feet. Maybe it is people’s toes that scares me, I don’t know.

Let’s put it this way – if you were a guy and barefoot (even if it was next to the swimming pool) and hitting on me you would’nt get past the 2nd sentence. My husband wore Bronx when we met – impressive. Oh and can I mention that his belt was the same colour as his shoes – I think it was just meant to be. He knew what to wear that day to sweep me off my feet.

I can remember all the shoes down to the brand of all the people I have met. I might not recall their jewelery but the shoes oh the shoes I can give you details on. When I was robbed and in shock I could give a description of the mugger’s shoes.

So I am stocking up on nice shoes for my Son. And my husband knows what makes me tick.

For me it really is all in the Shoes.

Blogging killed my Diary

2009-11-13T11:19:00.002+02:00

I always used to have a diary and enjoyed writing the day’s acitivities in it every night before I went to bed. But then life got really busy and you know how it goes, before long it gathers dust at your bedside table and it begs for a little ink, a little piece of your life.

This morning I unpacked some old boxes and discovered that the last time I kept a diary was when I met my husband until it was time to make some Wedding plans when I stopped. A couple of months ago I got introduced to blogging through some ladies that I share the forum with. First I became addicted to some blogs that I red, and then I decided to write my own. I wrote one blog then I was hooked. It is kind of an online diary, and the best part is I don’t have to always write and nail it down to one day or a specific date. I can write about life and everything in it.

I prefer to blog. Besides, as much as I love to write typing does not hurt at all.

One day in your life can be borring. But life, life is interesting.

The Picture Brain

2009-11-12T09:56:00.001+02:00

I have a big imagination. That is why till this day I don’t watch Horrors, yip, I still get nightmares coz I don’t know where to draw the reality line. The one who laughs the last might not necessarily catch the joke. That is all me, I laugh the longest and I do get the joke, it is just that it plays off in my mind over and over and then I have to laugh again…and again..and again.

I can narrow the cause of my big imagination down to when I was little. I was the middle child, with middle-child-sindrome. My sister was in school when she was supposed to play with me and my brother only made his arrival six years later, so that left me home alone with my Mother to keep me company until I was ready for big school. But being so little you even get bored with your Mother, as a child you love exploring and you are pretty much on your own mission most of the time.

When I was older my Mother once told me about the imaginary friends I had. The rabbit and the bear seemed to escape my mind, but the rest I can still remember till this day. I should have never told my sister about any of them, coz she still tortures me..

My Father always yelled at me when he saw me talking to myself. He would ask me if I was mad. I tried to stay clear of him. I went into hiding and just talked and played coz it was the very thing that I enjoyed and as a child I wasn’t ready to give that up yet – the imaginary world where I could escape to when times got too lonely.

So nowadays when my four year old runs through the house in her princess dress imagining she is princess Holly and talking to Ben the Elve I just let her be, and my husband knows not to interfere. Even though she is in nursery school with friends unlike me when I was little, she is the same child I was all those years ago. When she went to nursery school I was a bit sad coz I thought we would skip the whole imaginary friends part, but they seemed to be back after 26 years feeding my childs imagination. So I don’t know if I really was lonely back then. I had the love and comfort from my Mother, which was enough, and maybe I just needed that little bit more.

At the moment I am not the parent that questions everything she does.

Life is there to for us explore. Wheter we are 4 or 40.

The Baby Blues

2009-11-11T08:52:00.001+02:00

So eventualy the baby blues kicked in on day 10 after the birth of my son. I was standing barefoot in the kitchen doing the dishes when all of sudden it hit me, and I started feeling sorry for myself. I missed work. I missed fighting with our clients over prices. I missed my laptop. I missed driving to work and back. This is not me, I thought. At that moment it felt like the only good thing I could do was to look after 2 children, clean and cook for a husband that comes home and throws himself on the couch. This City has really changed me, I thought. I have been here too long. Some women would give their left eye to sit at home and look after the children.

I had to get outside for a moment and breathe. The 4 walls of our house were too much for me. I dialed my boss’ number. She was happy to hear from me. I cought up on office gossip and asked about everyone else. I felt better when I put the phone down. My prayers were answered when a good friend sms’ed and and asked if she could come by for a visit, I said yes in an instant.

She brought some cupcakes and juice, and some skinner that I haven’t heard in a while. She had a baby boy in February so all her advice also came in handy, and she understood what I was going through.

Well I had the baby blues for one day. Sometimes all you need is a friend to talk to, someone that understands, even if they only do listen.

Thanks again Elizma for the cupcakes.

The Godmother

2009-11-10T08:43:00.002+02:00

The other day my sister and I thouht about the time my brother was born in 1984. I was going to be six years old that August and she turned nine in December. When my mother was in hospital we were split up, she went and stayed with my mother’s eldest sister and I had a Godmother who looked after me for that week. Somehow to this day my sister thought we were together, but we werent. It is amazing how far back one can remember if you just sit to take the time and think.

I stayed at my Godmother’s for that week. I can remember my Dad walking through the door at her house with great pride, anouncing that it was a boy. It was the time before scans and C-sections. There was enough to keep me busy. In the mornings we would bake cup cakes with my best friend at the time that happened to live across the street from the house. We made clothes for my Barbie on her hand driven Singer sewing machine. It was the best time, the time I spent waiting for my brother while my mother was in hospital.

Last I heard she was living in Frankfort in the Free State, baking cupcakes for the local church.

She must be over 70 by now.

Winter

2009-11-09T09:19:00.002+02:00

I can still remember the cold winters during my childhood in the little town where I grew up. The pipes would freeze so you had to wait for it to defrost before you could take a bath. Every morning there was a thick layer of ice on our front lawn, it never snowed but the morning dew had a thick layer.

My Dad used to return home early in the morning from his regular night shift and would brief my mother on the reading of his thermometer at work. Dad was funny in that way. We had a rain meter, and about 3 thermometers around the house. If there was rain he had to know how much. If it was cold, he had to know and had to get an up to the degree update. “It is –5 this morning”, I could hear him in the kithcen when my parents were having their morning coffee while we were curled up in bed waiting for my Mom to callus later on.

I can remember the naked trees that were robbed from their leaves by the morning breeze. I can remember the sound of the wind around the corners, a sound I would never forget and haven’t heard in a long long time. My sister and I shared a room and used to put all our blankets on one single bed and keep each other warm. Sometimes when she sleeps over in winter we still do that.

I miss the winters down there.

The Higveld would’nt know what a winter is if it bites it in the ass.

The R40 fortune

2009-11-06T08:52:00.007+02:00

One Winters day when I was about 11 or 12 years old we were short of money. You could always sense that as a child cause there was a bit of tension in the house, usually in the last week of the month when there was month left at the end of the money. My mother did not know where the next meal would come from, and feeding a husband and 3 children was mostly one of her main concerns.

The wind was strong and the air cold. To give you a bit of background - in our front yard we had a wired fence, with a big gate and a little gate and a red post box by the little gate. Oh that is something else I miss – the postman on his bike delivering post – but he has no relevance to this story.

For some reason on this day about 20 years ago, my mother stood by the window staring outside, maybe wishing for a miracle to come flying in the door. All of a sudden, something caught her attention outside. She called my Dad to come and have a look, as if her eyes betrayed her at that very moment. By then she had everyone curious so we were all standing a bit closer to have a peep out the window.

Then I saw it. Two R20 rand notes were blown in by the strong wind onto our front mesh and got stuck inside. To this day I don’t know how one could get stuck, let a lone two. Dad went outside to collect our newly found fortune. We all know R40 was allot of money back then.

I think she must have prayed, like always during those harsh times.

God listened, and provided for a week until the next payday.

The Kite

2009-11-05T09:00:00.002+02:00

So who’s going to make him a kite, Dad? Sometimes I wish things were different, boy, we screwed up so bad between us. My husband has two left hands as you know. If there is anyone that can make my little boy a kite, it would be you Dad…

You made us things when we were little. You helped with assignments. Remember that Plaster of Paris set that you bought me one Christmas. We moulded the shapes and then you showed me how to paint it. I remember I brought home an assignment once where we had to create a Netbal field on a carton so you went to school to make notes so we could get the lines on the field right. I got an A for that assignment, Dad.

I always thought that if I ever have children that need assignments done I would bring them to you. You would be creative enough to think of something when the time is right. Those memories are all I have. Sometimes I wonder if you still recall those times when we were little, Dad?

I have to build him a kite. You showed me how, remember?

You are missing out on so much, Dad.

I still love you.

The Big Sister

2009-11-04T09:23:00.002+02:00

Ever since we brought our little boy home our little girl wants to do everything on her own. We were worried because we thought she would wet the bed again or start whining like a 2 year old, but luckily none of those things has happenend yet. In the mornings she gets dressed herself, and she knows now that the lables come at the back and the print in the front. She even puts her shoes on the right way; it does not look like two bananas turning outward anymore when it is the wrong way around.

There are some things she just can’t do on her own but she managed to find ways around it. One day while I was busy breastfeeding she came running with a cup in the one hand and the milk carton in the other. I make sure all the yogurt and viennas are on the botton shelf of the fridge so she can help herself whenever she feels like it.

When her brother naps in the afternoon and I get time to do the dishes and start cooking she brings her chair and “helps” me do the dishes by playing with plastic cups in the dishwater. After that she wants to help with the drying so I give her the teaspoons to dry. It might sound strange but it is a bit of bonding time, and it takes me back to when I was five and helped my mother around the house. It is amazing how much of yourself you see in your children.

We all had to make some adjustments when the new baby arrived.

The Matter of the Cake

2009-11-03T09:44:00.002+02:00

“What about Spongebob Mom?”

“You had a Spongebob cake last year.”

I feel bad, it feels like I am making the decision on her behalf. He is obviously as popular as last year so I should just order old Spongebob again. She is lucky to have a choice, when I was five you had to take what was coming your way, the people were not so creative with wax paper back then.

“I also like Barbie.”

“Ok, can we get you a Barbie cake?”

She thinks for a moment.

“No, I think Mickey Mouse…”

I smile for a moment. She can’t make up her mind, now I feel better about old Spongebob, maybe he is’nt that popular afterall.

“Oh, and don’t forget about Hanna Montana,” I say with a little sarcasm, because looks like we have to cover the whole Disney channel here.. The moment I say ‘Hanna Montana” she jumps to her feet.

“Oh yes, please Mom! Hanna Montana! Hanna Montana!”

I pick up the phone and start dialing.

“Are you sure?” I ask, but she is already dancing halfway across the room and I know that the matter of the cake is settled.

A moment later the cake woman on the other side squirts out a giggle.

“A 5 year old that likes Hanna Montana”, she says,”they start early these days.”

One Hanna Montana cake coming up for my 4 old daughter’s 5th birthday.