On Life

Corne’ started eating this week - ag my boy is getting so big now. Claudia and her father are joined at the hip. I’m so glad I can give someone attention now, they kind of pushed me on the curb the last couple of years. I know *sob* *sob* sad story.

When Claudia turns around she wants to know where her father is. She runs to him first thing in the morning. She wants him to drop her off and fetch her from school. Hey I’m not complaining, while the going is good… Sometimes he just wants to sit and relax and then she is all over him. He doesn’t get mad. I just laugh. I know from experience that it is tough to keep up with a 5 year old. They have LOTS of energy- even I can’t keep up.

I can’t imagine my life without my family. Joel Osteen says that you have to pray in the morning for Angels to be around your husband and children during the day.

We have to be greatful for everyday.

The Eraser

Today I have thrown out most of my deceased boss’ old files. It’s been a year now and it’s not easy sitting here erasing a peace of his life. I realized that we can not hang on to the files any longer. The others left me with the sad task. It’s one of those things that will be ok to people if they don’t see it.

He used to make allot of notes. He was so organized. When I open each file and look at his handwriting (that was still neat at age 85) my heart just miss a beat. When I first started here I had to learn the way he wrote his D’s & A’s & G’s.

Some mornings when I enter the office I find the frame of his Lifetime Award in the Timber industry a little skew and then I just sigh and hang it in a straight line again. He does visit for all that we know.

Once I red in an article that our footprints will be on earth long after we have gone.

These papers are just a drop in the bucket of the legacy that he left behind.



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Dear Mom...

So much has happened since my last letter. You have a new grandson. Sometimes when I look at my children I know how much joy you must have had with us in the house. Life sometimes gets lonely when I realize I can’t pick up the phone to ask you for advice, cause as you know even with the 2nd child it can get a bit too much sometimes.

Dad did not even know I was pregnant, the whole 9 months he turned a blind eye. Maybe part of it is my fault – I should have made more time to visit and let them know that another one is on the way.

Corne’ is a sweet laughing baby, like his sister. He sleeps well, I only wake up twice a night and sometimes he spoils me then I only wake up once.

Life has changed in the last year - for the better I must add. I realized that one of the biggest blessings is ones children. The children take up most of my time, now we I have to really manage time if I haven’t been serious about it before. We all had to adopt to the new baby. Claudia has learnt to be more patient, that things can be attended to in 5 minutes and not right then on the spot.

Claudia is in Gr0 this year and excited to start her first swimming class on Saturday. I see so much of myself in her when I was her age. I can remember when I was five years old. She has a big imagination like me.

Oh I miss you so much. I wish you were here. But we can not always have everything in life I suppose. Life has to go on without you. You are always in my mind.

Thank you for being the best Mother to us. That helps me today, more than you will ever know.

It's just that it is another year without you, that's what's making me so sad...

It's a BFN

Oh what a relief – I’m not pregnant. And yes there is a sad side to the news also. Now I need to rest. I have experienced all of the emotions you can think of in the last couple of days. I thought Corne’ was going to get a friend. Claudia was begging for a sister LOL.

I am still seeking alternative employment at the moment and the thought of staying another year was bad enough. It’s the traffic that gets to me. Hey we all get a bit of traffic now and then… Things are looking up and I hope I would be out of here by March. That’s another sad goodbye, but one thing I have to do, it left me with no choice.

Hubby was awfully quiet the last couple of days. He started talking this morning again when I gave him the news. I guess he was collecting money in his mind if there was a new baby on the way. So now I have learnt a big lesson in the name of parenthood. I guess any news would have been good news. As long as your love lasts forever you can make time for another child. You can love it and look after it. .

People adapt to lifestyles. A new life chooses you to be its caregiver.

So guess who is going to the nearest Dis-chem on her way home…

P-H-E-W GIRLFRIEND……

Eish...a bon in da ovon

When you have a four month old baby and you get a pregnancy scare it’s not so funny anymore. Imagine being pregnant for 2 years with a four month break. As you all know I was pregnant for most of last year.

I have not tested yet because I don’t know what news will make me happier. Maybe it is better for me not to know what route my life will take. On the one side I am yearning for another baby, because my children bring me so much joy every day. If it is a BFN I would find my way to the nearest Dischem to get a packet of Femodene. Then I would loose all the baby weight (I know I have made promises that I might keep).

So what if it is a BFP? I would say it all fell in to place, and the same goes for the opposite. No use in calling hubby and I irresponsible. We had the need and we did the deed. With a baby I haven’t had time to get the Pill…I know I know call me irresponsible LOL.

I will know tomorrow. Honestly, I am not praying for a BFP or a BFN.

Whatever will be will be.

My best friend is Sad

I get an sms from my best friend. Although we are 200kms apart I can sense her heartache in the few lines that I read. I wish I could hug her and listen to the whole story she is trying to describe in a few lines. She has trouble with the husband. We all have our troubles with the men in our lives, but for a moment any fight that hubby and I ever had seemed like nothing compared to hers. I feel blessed.

We all choose our partner in life I suppose. She wants to be with someone who treats her like shit. I can understand that it is more complicated when you don’t have a foot to stand on and there is children involved. She always gasps at the things I say to my husband and I could’nt think that she would dare say anything like that to her husband. Truth is – she always has to explain herself and that is no life.

I don’t want to compare our marriages so I always tell her that my husband also has the little issues that we just can not get out of the way - which is true.

No use in painting a pretty picture of your marriage when your friend is sad.

Get on the floor and be sad with her.

On Education

Grown ups always used to ask the same question when we were little – what you would like to be when you are older. I always said a Window Dresser – those tannies that used to travel from town to town going around the local Foschini dressing up the dolls in the window according to the way the head office wanted it.

When the time came in Matric to make some career choices I wanted to become a Graphic Designer. Representatives of the Universities and Colleges in our area visited our school and I was armed with all the pamflets and details to I approach my Dad. I don’t know what made me think that he would make a plan to pay for anything I wanted to do. Maybe I was to closed minded back then, expecting him to pull the money out of a hat or think up some rich uncle in the family that would gladly pay.

I had to throw all the information in the dustpin. I have never blamed him for not giving me the after school education that every child “deserve”. It was enough to encourage me to do the opposite one day when the time comes for my children to make some career choices.

Years later with lots of encouragement from my husband I did get a diploma and some certificates that helped me get ahead in life. We have a blessed life and even though it happened later in life for me it did happen, I did not have to give up my dreams entirely.

Once I heard someone say that every child “deserves” a tertiary education. We are talking about lots of money here. You deserve love and security as a child, and to be treated fairly.

I don’t blame my parents for not giving me the education after school that I “deserved”. Some people have more opportunities than others. I get it.
Everyone is responsible for their own life.