The Letter

Dear Mom,

So much has happened since my last letter. It still feels like you are away on holiday and could return at any moment, I apologize for not letting go. Letting go means forgetting all about you, and I am not ready for that ever. Sometimes reality sinks in, and then I remember that you left us for good and are not returning.

The miscarriage was not that bad, I got pregnant again on my first cycle so God looked after us in that way. Yes we will miss the baby but we are having another miracle and not taking anything for granted this time. I learnt that sometimes some things has to happen in order for you to appreciate other things more. Yes, I am still scared every day, but I have also learnt to trust and to have faith.

Dad is happy with the new wife. I’m glad that someone is looking after him; we both know that he couldn’t do anything on his own even when you were here. I would hate to say anything bad about her. Maybe it’s not her, its just the things about you that I miss. I miss the kitchen that is now forbidden territory. You baked, you visited with your friends and I know that you prayed many mornings in that place. Most days I ask myself why she couldn’t be a bit more like you. Your heart was like a taxi - there was always space for another friend.

The Children are growing up fast. Annelize and I both have girls as you know. Sometimes I see myself in you, and know that she would turn out ok one day because I am like you. I now understand why you did and said most of the things, I just wish I could understand back then but I had to become a mother first before all those things sank in.

I don’t know when I will write again, I can’t promise anything but I will update as soon as I can. My letters, like life, holds no promises.