What a morning. After being messed around once again by unprofessional people that do not have a clue what they are doing I got in my car and came to work. Never mind job hunt - you sommer have to look for the people and buildings too. I don’t have time to drive around looking for buildings and people the whole day. I'm not freakin Sherlock Holmes. It’s a madhouse out there. I have sent a snotty e-mail to the relevant people involved.
Well next week will tell what is happening with the job issue, one has to be patient then things will start happening. One interview-that-did-not-happen down two interviews to go. Maybe today was a test to see to what extremes I will go to get a job. Well to me that spells one word – desperate. I will go the extra Mile but don’t play hide and seek with me.
I have said it before and I will say it again – what will be will be. That job just wasn’t for me.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
We had the talk
So I told my boss I am looking for other employment. A dumb move you should say – but we are on a level where I can tell her things like this. She totally understands that I can’t travel all this way every day. I said to her even though they pay my petrol it does not make up for my time. In the evening I only see Corne’ & Claudia for 2 hours.
I told her that a part of my life is at this place. I have accomplished so much here.
She said that she would give me a good reference for now if I need one. Well I have to choose between 2 possible jobs closer to home – and God will help me make the right decision. Thank God for all the good people in my life – and all the good people that will still be on my journey through life.
It is true what they say – it is when you are at the point to surrender that things turn around in your favor.
I told her that a part of my life is at this place. I have accomplished so much here.
She said that she would give me a good reference for now if I need one. Well I have to choose between 2 possible jobs closer to home – and God will help me make the right decision. Thank God for all the good people in my life – and all the good people that will still be on my journey through life.
It is true what they say – it is when you are at the point to surrender that things turn around in your favor.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Life goes on
Sometimes I wish I can move away from all this chaos. Just buy me a house in the country and sit on the stoep and knit while the children are playing in the garden. I should be so lucky. I do miss the laid back life in the country. Up here life is pretty much 1-2-3-in-your-face 24/7. I am always busy organizing something, or rushing to something, or sorting out other peoples problems. And then you ask yourself if it will ever end.
Claudia had her first swim class on Saturday. Hubby and I had a fight because Claudia, Corne’ and myself were all practically in the car when he offered to take her. I seriously don’t know what he is going to do with 2 children 3 weeks time when I go back to Damelin. He will probably rush to my sisters house when Corne has the first poo. Maybe he will learn a few things. See, it will actually be good for us all.
It was a sad morning indeed. I had to tell my maid that we won’t be needing her for the next 5 months. She got another job in the complex – thank God – but I still feel that I am contributing to her income every month and now I have to put my needs infront of hers. What was important is that I did not want her to feel that she did anything wrong. She has been so good. But she understood.
Life is never fair.
When did it get so busy?
Claudia had her first swim class on Saturday. Hubby and I had a fight because Claudia, Corne’ and myself were all practically in the car when he offered to take her. I seriously don’t know what he is going to do with 2 children 3 weeks time when I go back to Damelin. He will probably rush to my sisters house when Corne has the first poo. Maybe he will learn a few things. See, it will actually be good for us all.
It was a sad morning indeed. I had to tell my maid that we won’t be needing her for the next 5 months. She got another job in the complex – thank God – but I still feel that I am contributing to her income every month and now I have to put my needs infront of hers. What was important is that I did not want her to feel that she did anything wrong. She has been so good. But she understood.
Life is never fair.
When did it get so busy?
Friday, January 22, 2010
The better person
One of my bad qualities is that I sometimes struggle to be the better person. My argument is if a person does not like you and continue to treat you bad why do you have to keep on being friendly. Maybe I cut ties too easily. I don’t have the memory of a Goldfish – I will remember your face. I find it hard to forgive.
I only have 2 best friends and that suits me. I don’t need all of the friends in the world that talk behind your back anyway. Trust is a big issue for me – I don’t know why.
I do go to the occasional breakfast with the HR girls, and of all five only one is close to me. The rest is merely acquaintances. I also don’t accept everyone on Facebook. I am not in a race to see how many friends I can get even if I don’t know who they are.
Yes, I do care if people like me or not. But I don’t go out of my way. Take me as I am.
I am practicing to be a better person - but don't ask me to kiss A**.
I only have 2 best friends and that suits me. I don’t need all of the friends in the world that talk behind your back anyway. Trust is a big issue for me – I don’t know why.
I do go to the occasional breakfast with the HR girls, and of all five only one is close to me. The rest is merely acquaintances. I also don’t accept everyone on Facebook. I am not in a race to see how many friends I can get even if I don’t know who they are.
Yes, I do care if people like me or not. But I don’t go out of my way. Take me as I am.
I am practicing to be a better person - but don't ask me to kiss A**.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The tribe has spoken
I am a happy girl today. My Aunt in CT whom I have not spoken to in a year sent me a sms to say that she is not mad at me anymore. We are both so stubborn. We had a fight a year ago when she came to Joburg and could not make time to see us. It was not on purpose but I did not see it that way at the time.
So now we have to catch up on a whole year of skinner. Usually when I hear a story the family in the Free State knows already. I sent her MMS’s of Corne’ and Claudia. I missed her so much and I am glad we could forgive and forget.
She is my mother’s oldest sister. The Wild Aunt whom I blogged about before is the youngest.
My other Aunt who is married to my Mothers brother invited me on FB but I did not accept. We went there one Easter and it was the worst reception I had in my life. You know what; if you don’t want me at your house, just ask me to leave. Don’t make me feel unwelcome for 3 days.
Now everyone is inviting me left right and centre probably because I have posted pics of Corne’ on FB that only my friends can see. I have kicked off half of my family. They did not bother knowing me while I was growing up so why must I be friends with them now on a social network.
I’m just funny in that way.
So now we have to catch up on a whole year of skinner. Usually when I hear a story the family in the Free State knows already. I sent her MMS’s of Corne’ and Claudia. I missed her so much and I am glad we could forgive and forget.
She is my mother’s oldest sister. The Wild Aunt whom I blogged about before is the youngest.
My other Aunt who is married to my Mothers brother invited me on FB but I did not accept. We went there one Easter and it was the worst reception I had in my life. You know what; if you don’t want me at your house, just ask me to leave. Don’t make me feel unwelcome for 3 days.
Now everyone is inviting me left right and centre probably because I have posted pics of Corne’ on FB that only my friends can see. I have kicked off half of my family. They did not bother knowing me while I was growing up so why must I be friends with them now on a social network.
I’m just funny in that way.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The start of day
This morning before 5’o clock:
I cleaned the kitchen.
I put in a load of washing.
I made a bottle for a hungry baby.
I fed a hungry baby.
I played with a happy baby.
I had a bath.
I took out the trash.
I put out some clothes for Claudia & Corne’.
I put the filter coffee on to be ready when hubby wakes up.
I sent an sms to one of my best friends.
I fed the Cat.
I let the Cat out.
Oh what a joy to be me….
I cleaned the kitchen.
I put in a load of washing.
I made a bottle for a hungry baby.
I fed a hungry baby.
I played with a happy baby.
I had a bath.
I took out the trash.
I put out some clothes for Claudia & Corne’.
I put the filter coffee on to be ready when hubby wakes up.
I sent an sms to one of my best friends.
I fed the Cat.
I let the Cat out.
Oh what a joy to be me….
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The new friend
Sometimes I wonder what is going on in my 5 year old daughters head. She speaks to herself while she is playing – but the weird thing is that it is in English. Then again I would’nt know what is going on in any 5 year olds head.
She has a new friend at school whose name is Kyla. The teacher told me yesterday that they are inseparable. Claudia and her other friend of 2 years Ziane was split at the beginning of this year, there are 2 gr.0 classes and there you have it. The other day Claudia got into the car and was a bit sad. She said that Ziane walked over on the playground and hit her new friend in the stomach (which the teacher saw and sorted it out right there and then). She was mad that Claudia had a new friend. Claudia was a bit confused and did not understand why Ziane would do something like that.
I explained to her that she and Ziane are in 2 different classes now and it is up to Ziane to make new friends in her new class. Or they can all play together as a group in break.
But she seems happy with her new friend.
She has a new friend at school whose name is Kyla. The teacher told me yesterday that they are inseparable. Claudia and her other friend of 2 years Ziane was split at the beginning of this year, there are 2 gr.0 classes and there you have it. The other day Claudia got into the car and was a bit sad. She said that Ziane walked over on the playground and hit her new friend in the stomach (which the teacher saw and sorted it out right there and then). She was mad that Claudia had a new friend. Claudia was a bit confused and did not understand why Ziane would do something like that.
I explained to her that she and Ziane are in 2 different classes now and it is up to Ziane to make new friends in her new class. Or they can all play together as a group in break.
But she seems happy with her new friend.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Oh February...
I don’t know what it is. I can’t sleep. You would think – of course I have a baby so that explains it. The problem is the baby does sleep well, it is I who can’t switch my brain off at night. Do I worry? I don’t know. Am I excited about things that are happening in my life? I don’t know. If I knew I would be sleeping like a baby – well my baby anyways.
Corne’ and Claudia are both going to hospital in February. Maybe that is what makes me roll around at night. I thought of making Corne’s appointment towards the end of February so that we don’t have it all in one go. I don’t know how I am going to get through it. I just wish February would be over already.
My increase is due end of January. The house rent goes up at the end of March so if I don’t get increase things might get a little tight.
I have been job hunting for the last four months. If you want to see how rude people can get then start job hunting. At least I am not “desperate” for work so I can and will answer back if I think you are getting too personal. Why do people think you have to be at their feet “begging” them for work. I am patient and trust that the right thing will come along.
I don’t know what the next couple of months hold.
Trying to stay positive here.
Corne’ and Claudia are both going to hospital in February. Maybe that is what makes me roll around at night. I thought of making Corne’s appointment towards the end of February so that we don’t have it all in one go. I don’t know how I am going to get through it. I just wish February would be over already.
My increase is due end of January. The house rent goes up at the end of March so if I don’t get increase things might get a little tight.
I have been job hunting for the last four months. If you want to see how rude people can get then start job hunting. At least I am not “desperate” for work so I can and will answer back if I think you are getting too personal. Why do people think you have to be at their feet “begging” them for work. I am patient and trust that the right thing will come along.
I don’t know what the next couple of months hold.
Trying to stay positive here.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The Art of Giving...
Once I sat in casualties and saw a child being brought in who was bitten by a dog. I helped her father fill I the hospital admission forms.
Once someone’s A.T.M card would not work. Later I saw her in the shop talking to someone so I gave her R20 and walked away. She bought bread with the money.
Once I gave a book about Small Gardens to the old lady next door, I thought she needed it more than I do.
Once a year I make an anonymous donation to the National Council for the Blind.
Once I gave away 2 stationary goodie bags in a presentation that I did in my Damelin Class.
Once I bought 2 x Westlife tickets and gave it away for free.
Once I packed sandwiches for a good cause.
Once there was a lost Cat at my door so I opened a can of tuna.
Once I gave a stray dog some water in a bowl.
Once I gave up my seat to an old lady in a full doctor’s room.
Once I gave a criminal all my belongings and prayed that he wouldn’t kill me.
That is the only time I gave in fear, without love.
Once someone’s A.T.M card would not work. Later I saw her in the shop talking to someone so I gave her R20 and walked away. She bought bread with the money.
Once I gave a book about Small Gardens to the old lady next door, I thought she needed it more than I do.
Once a year I make an anonymous donation to the National Council for the Blind.
Once I gave away 2 stationary goodie bags in a presentation that I did in my Damelin Class.
Once I bought 2 x Westlife tickets and gave it away for free.
Once I packed sandwiches for a good cause.
Once there was a lost Cat at my door so I opened a can of tuna.
Once I gave a stray dog some water in a bowl.
Once I gave up my seat to an old lady in a full doctor’s room.
Once I gave a criminal all my belongings and prayed that he wouldn’t kill me.
That is the only time I gave in fear, without love.
At last - a me-year
Talking about too much on your plate - I have enrolled for Sales and Marketing. You know what I have learnt that there is no time like now. I will have to do it and worry about the finances later. Well it is either the DSTV or the Maid that has to be put on hold for 6 months. I aint giving up my TV….. Claudia’s extra murals are also R500 a month extra but we don’t cut our finances when it comes to the children with good reason.
They still have my registration fee. I paid it last year round about this time before I discovered I was pregnant. Well with the MC and everything hubby and I decided that we did not want to put unnecessary stress on the baby so it had to wait.
I am starting at the end of February. This can’t wait another year.
This year I am dedicating to ME.
Call me selfish
They still have my registration fee. I paid it last year round about this time before I discovered I was pregnant. Well with the MC and everything hubby and I decided that we did not want to put unnecessary stress on the baby so it had to wait.
I am starting at the end of February. This can’t wait another year.
This year I am dedicating to ME.
Call me selfish
Thursday, January 14, 2010
On Life
Corne’ started eating this week - ag my boy is getting so big now. Claudia and her father are joined at the hip. I’m so glad I can give someone attention now, they kind of pushed me on the curb the last couple of years. I know *sob* *sob* sad story.
When Claudia turns around she wants to know where her father is. She runs to him first thing in the morning. She wants him to drop her off and fetch her from school. Hey I’m not complaining, while the going is good… Sometimes he just wants to sit and relax and then she is all over him. He doesn’t get mad. I just laugh. I know from experience that it is tough to keep up with a 5 year old. They have LOTS of energy- even I can’t keep up.
I can’t imagine my life without my family. Joel Osteen says that you have to pray in the morning for Angels to be around your husband and children during the day.
We have to be greatful for everyday.
When Claudia turns around she wants to know where her father is. She runs to him first thing in the morning. She wants him to drop her off and fetch her from school. Hey I’m not complaining, while the going is good… Sometimes he just wants to sit and relax and then she is all over him. He doesn’t get mad. I just laugh. I know from experience that it is tough to keep up with a 5 year old. They have LOTS of energy- even I can’t keep up.
I can’t imagine my life without my family. Joel Osteen says that you have to pray in the morning for Angels to be around your husband and children during the day.
We have to be greatful for everyday.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Eraser
Today I have thrown out most of my deceased boss’ old files. It’s been a year now and it’s not easy sitting here erasing a peace of his life. I realized that we can not hang on to the files any longer. The others left me with the sad task. It’s one of those things that will be ok to people if they don’t see it.
He used to make allot of notes. He was so organized. When I open each file and look at his handwriting (that was still neat at age 85) my heart just miss a beat. When I first started here I had to learn the way he wrote his D’s & A’s & G’s.
Some mornings when I enter the office I find the frame of his Lifetime Award in the Timber industry a little skew and then I just sigh and hang it in a straight line again. He does visit for all that we know.
Once I red in an article that our footprints will be on earth long after we have gone.
These papers are just a drop in the bucket of the legacy that he left behind.
.
He used to make allot of notes. He was so organized. When I open each file and look at his handwriting (that was still neat at age 85) my heart just miss a beat. When I first started here I had to learn the way he wrote his D’s & A’s & G’s.
Some mornings when I enter the office I find the frame of his Lifetime Award in the Timber industry a little skew and then I just sigh and hang it in a straight line again. He does visit for all that we know.
Once I red in an article that our footprints will be on earth long after we have gone.
These papers are just a drop in the bucket of the legacy that he left behind.
.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Dear Mom...
So much has happened since my last letter. You have a new grandson. Sometimes when I look at my children I know how much joy you must have had with us in the house. Life sometimes gets lonely when I realize I can’t pick up the phone to ask you for advice, cause as you know even with the 2nd child it can get a bit too much sometimes.
Dad did not even know I was pregnant, the whole 9 months he turned a blind eye. Maybe part of it is my fault – I should have made more time to visit and let them know that another one is on the way.
Corne’ is a sweet laughing baby, like his sister. He sleeps well, I only wake up twice a night and sometimes he spoils me then I only wake up once.
Life has changed in the last year - for the better I must add. I realized that one of the biggest blessings is ones children. The children take up most of my time, now we I have to really manage time if I haven’t been serious about it before. We all had to adopt to the new baby. Claudia has learnt to be more patient, that things can be attended to in 5 minutes and not right then on the spot.
Claudia is in Gr0 this year and excited to start her first swimming class on Saturday. I see so much of myself in her when I was her age. I can remember when I was five years old. She has a big imagination like me.
Oh I miss you so much. I wish you were here. But we can not always have everything in life I suppose. Life has to go on without you. You are always in my mind.
Thank you for being the best Mother to us. That helps me today, more than you will ever know.
It's just that it is another year without you, that's what's making me so sad...
Dad did not even know I was pregnant, the whole 9 months he turned a blind eye. Maybe part of it is my fault – I should have made more time to visit and let them know that another one is on the way.
Corne’ is a sweet laughing baby, like his sister. He sleeps well, I only wake up twice a night and sometimes he spoils me then I only wake up once.
Life has changed in the last year - for the better I must add. I realized that one of the biggest blessings is ones children. The children take up most of my time, now we I have to really manage time if I haven’t been serious about it before. We all had to adopt to the new baby. Claudia has learnt to be more patient, that things can be attended to in 5 minutes and not right then on the spot.
Claudia is in Gr0 this year and excited to start her first swimming class on Saturday. I see so much of myself in her when I was her age. I can remember when I was five years old. She has a big imagination like me.
Oh I miss you so much. I wish you were here. But we can not always have everything in life I suppose. Life has to go on without you. You are always in my mind.
Thank you for being the best Mother to us. That helps me today, more than you will ever know.
It's just that it is another year without you, that's what's making me so sad...
It's a BFN
Oh what a relief – I’m not pregnant. And yes there is a sad side to the news also. Now I need to rest. I have experienced all of the emotions you can think of in the last couple of days. I thought Corne’ was going to get a friend. Claudia was begging for a sister LOL.
I am still seeking alternative employment at the moment and the thought of staying another year was bad enough. It’s the traffic that gets to me. Hey we all get a bit of traffic now and then… Things are looking up and I hope I would be out of here by March. That’s another sad goodbye, but one thing I have to do, it left me with no choice.
Hubby was awfully quiet the last couple of days. He started talking this morning again when I gave him the news. I guess he was collecting money in his mind if there was a new baby on the way. So now I have learnt a big lesson in the name of parenthood. I guess any news would have been good news. As long as your love lasts forever you can make time for another child. You can love it and look after it. .
People adapt to lifestyles. A new life chooses you to be its caregiver.
So guess who is going to the nearest Dis-chem on her way home…
P-H-E-W GIRLFRIEND……
I am still seeking alternative employment at the moment and the thought of staying another year was bad enough. It’s the traffic that gets to me. Hey we all get a bit of traffic now and then… Things are looking up and I hope I would be out of here by March. That’s another sad goodbye, but one thing I have to do, it left me with no choice.
Hubby was awfully quiet the last couple of days. He started talking this morning again when I gave him the news. I guess he was collecting money in his mind if there was a new baby on the way. So now I have learnt a big lesson in the name of parenthood. I guess any news would have been good news. As long as your love lasts forever you can make time for another child. You can love it and look after it. .
People adapt to lifestyles. A new life chooses you to be its caregiver.
So guess who is going to the nearest Dis-chem on her way home…
P-H-E-W GIRLFRIEND……
Monday, January 11, 2010
Eish...a bon in da ovon
When you have a four month old baby and you get a pregnancy scare it’s not so funny anymore. Imagine being pregnant for 2 years with a four month break. As you all know I was pregnant for most of last year.
I have not tested yet because I don’t know what news will make me happier. Maybe it is better for me not to know what route my life will take. On the one side I am yearning for another baby, because my children bring me so much joy every day. If it is a BFN I would find my way to the nearest Dischem to get a packet of Femodene. Then I would loose all the baby weight (I know I have made promises that I might keep).
So what if it is a BFP? I would say it all fell in to place, and the same goes for the opposite. No use in calling hubby and I irresponsible. We had the need and we did the deed. With a baby I haven’t had time to get the Pill…I know I know call me irresponsible LOL.
I will know tomorrow. Honestly, I am not praying for a BFP or a BFN.
Whatever will be will be.
I have not tested yet because I don’t know what news will make me happier. Maybe it is better for me not to know what route my life will take. On the one side I am yearning for another baby, because my children bring me so much joy every day. If it is a BFN I would find my way to the nearest Dischem to get a packet of Femodene. Then I would loose all the baby weight (I know I have made promises that I might keep).
So what if it is a BFP? I would say it all fell in to place, and the same goes for the opposite. No use in calling hubby and I irresponsible. We had the need and we did the deed. With a baby I haven’t had time to get the Pill…I know I know call me irresponsible LOL.
I will know tomorrow. Honestly, I am not praying for a BFP or a BFN.
Whatever will be will be.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
My best friend is Sad
I get an sms from my best friend. Although we are 200kms apart I can sense her heartache in the few lines that I read. I wish I could hug her and listen to the whole story she is trying to describe in a few lines. She has trouble with the husband. We all have our troubles with the men in our lives, but for a moment any fight that hubby and I ever had seemed like nothing compared to hers. I feel blessed.
We all choose our partner in life I suppose. She wants to be with someone who treats her like shit. I can understand that it is more complicated when you don’t have a foot to stand on and there is children involved. She always gasps at the things I say to my husband and I could’nt think that she would dare say anything like that to her husband. Truth is – she always has to explain herself and that is no life.
I don’t want to compare our marriages so I always tell her that my husband also has the little issues that we just can not get out of the way - which is true.
No use in painting a pretty picture of your marriage when your friend is sad.
Get on the floor and be sad with her.
We all choose our partner in life I suppose. She wants to be with someone who treats her like shit. I can understand that it is more complicated when you don’t have a foot to stand on and there is children involved. She always gasps at the things I say to my husband and I could’nt think that she would dare say anything like that to her husband. Truth is – she always has to explain herself and that is no life.
I don’t want to compare our marriages so I always tell her that my husband also has the little issues that we just can not get out of the way - which is true.
No use in painting a pretty picture of your marriage when your friend is sad.
Get on the floor and be sad with her.
Monday, January 4, 2010
On Education
Grown ups always used to ask the same question when we were little – what you would like to be when you are older. I always said a Window Dresser – those tannies that used to travel from town to town going around the local Foschini dressing up the dolls in the window according to the way the head office wanted it.
When the time came in Matric to make some career choices I wanted to become a Graphic Designer. Representatives of the Universities and Colleges in our area visited our school and I was armed with all the pamflets and details to I approach my Dad. I don’t know what made me think that he would make a plan to pay for anything I wanted to do. Maybe I was to closed minded back then, expecting him to pull the money out of a hat or think up some rich uncle in the family that would gladly pay.
I had to throw all the information in the dustpin. I have never blamed him for not giving me the after school education that every child “deserve”. It was enough to encourage me to do the opposite one day when the time comes for my children to make some career choices.
Years later with lots of encouragement from my husband I did get a diploma and some certificates that helped me get ahead in life. We have a blessed life and even though it happened later in life for me it did happen, I did not have to give up my dreams entirely.
Once I heard someone say that every child “deserves” a tertiary education. We are talking about lots of money here. You deserve love and security as a child, and to be treated fairly.
I don’t blame my parents for not giving me the education after school that I “deserved”. Some people have more opportunities than others. I get it.
Everyone is responsible for their own life.
When the time came in Matric to make some career choices I wanted to become a Graphic Designer. Representatives of the Universities and Colleges in our area visited our school and I was armed with all the pamflets and details to I approach my Dad. I don’t know what made me think that he would make a plan to pay for anything I wanted to do. Maybe I was to closed minded back then, expecting him to pull the money out of a hat or think up some rich uncle in the family that would gladly pay.
I had to throw all the information in the dustpin. I have never blamed him for not giving me the after school education that every child “deserve”. It was enough to encourage me to do the opposite one day when the time comes for my children to make some career choices.
Years later with lots of encouragement from my husband I did get a diploma and some certificates that helped me get ahead in life. We have a blessed life and even though it happened later in life for me it did happen, I did not have to give up my dreams entirely.
Once I heard someone say that every child “deserves” a tertiary education. We are talking about lots of money here. You deserve love and security as a child, and to be treated fairly.
I don’t blame my parents for not giving me the education after school that I “deserved”. Some people have more opportunities than others. I get it.
Everyone is responsible for their own life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)