On Life

The day before my Mother died my husband and I drove through to the hospital. After sitting at her bedside until late she begged me not to leave. She was halusinating, most of the things I could not make out. She talked about the TV remote that was hidden under the couch pillows at home. The next moment she would talk about her sister that was dead that stood next to her bed. She knew I was there. I cried so much, and did not want her to see that I was upset. It broke my heart to see her like that.

I gave her a kiss on her forehead and promised to be back in the morning. Sadly, that is the last time I saw her alive. The feeling of leaving her there to die all alone is something that will haunt me every day for the rest of my life. There is not a day that goes by that I at least think of it once or twice.

She loved me so much my whole life. She gave up her career for us, she gave up everything. It was the least I could do for my mother, but instead I walked out.

I never thought for one moment that she would be gone by 8:00 the next morning.

I have had dreams about her waving from a window and showing me everything is ok.

She tried to connect via my dreams, and that’s all comfort I have.