Christmas 2010

Every year we (my sister and I) try to make this a special time for the family. I miss my Mom who died 7 years ago a month before Christmas, we celebrate her life and hold on to the good memories. And then there is my Dad who I still have a chance to reconcile with but as always the timing sucks.

I remember every single Christmas since I was 3. Today I realized that I am truely blessed.

Every Christmas in my life was special, including this one.

Blogging again...for now

Has it been 6 months? Life got a little busy I guess. I am still trying to settle in to the new job that I started over 6 months ago. It has been the most stressful time in my life. I have lost weight, lots of it, for all the wrong reasons.

The support from my hubby has been great. The last 6 months was good for my marriage, I think we passed the 7 year gl(itch) that was there from year 2. I must admit ny husband is not the easiest person to live with. You just have to learn when to keep your mouth shut and wheb to let it all out. I wish somebody told me that before I got married. I had to grow up first.

I am not a person who gives up. I am also not a person who stays in stressful situations for too long.

Life will get better and only I can make that happen.

Saturday blog

My favourate author Dana Snyman says that when it comes to love advise he will rather ask a barlady than a pshycologist, because unlike pschycologists some barladies have experienced the dark side of life. They have been through it all.

No I don't have troubles with l-u-r-v-e. I just thought that was the truest thing I have ever red. People need practical advice - no good on going by the theory of it all. The good news is I went on Kalahari the other day and saw that 2 of his new books has been put on. What is different about him is that I find the time to read, its not a book that you can really leave on your bedside table for long.

Work is stressful. But I will find a way to cope. Nobody said it was going to be easy. The good thing about it all is that I amaze myself every day, and that is how I know that I am growing. This is about stepping out of your comfort zone every day.

Where there is a will there is a way.

Another blog, another week

Eish peeps, I wish I could blog more. I hardly have time to read. Work has been busy. Every day is different. I don't think it can ever be the same, every day you deal with different people, and get yourself into different situations.

Tonight I have put the kids in bed early, poured myself half a glass of Old Brown Sherry and rushed to the computer. We do have internet at work but we use it for research reasons only and I have so much paperwork and writing every day I hardly get time to do anything. I do print emails and type quotes, but that is it. There are 3 A4 diaries on my desk on which I record information that are given through on the phone. 3 Diaries? You might ask. Exactly what I thought the first day I walked into my new office. There are good reasons for all of them. Trust me.

*Yawn* *Yawn*

I need to check my facebook updates before I crawl in to bed. Is it summertime yet? This winter is so p**ing me off.

A new week, a new job

It’s been a busy week at my new job. I learnt so much. Everybody is so kind, all my fears are out the window, for now. We have 2 deadlines every day, so it keeps you on your toes. The lady that is showing me around is so patient. It is hundreds of little things that you need to remember every day, and she said I can relax it is only my first week.

I got 2 compliments though.

I miss my friends at my old company, but we keep in touch via email. I was supposed to go out with the girls to watch Eclipse next week on the 30th but that did not work out quite well. So I guess I will stay at home and snooze in and catch the movie at a later stage.

This first week at the new job was a little bit overwhelming. I am going to visit my best friend tomorrow and we will have some baby talk to take my mind off things. I hope the wind is not too cold, I don’t take the kids out if the wind is too cold.

Well one week down, many more to go. I am happy here. This is what I wanted.

I am hoping to blog more regularly as the time goes on.

One nervous blogger...

I must be on my 4th blog for today…yip. Can you tell that I am nervous about next week? It’s kind of exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time.

I got my exam results last week – 83%. I knew I passed I was curious to see the final mark. My poor study buddy, she said she will wait for it in the post. Maybe she wants to delay the bad news a bit longer. Or maybe it is better for if her if she does not find out right away. The moment they sent me the sms that the results were in, I was there.

Well at least I am starting next week on a happy note.

I have to make a list of 5 going away presents that I would like. They will choose one. I don’t know, I am on such a high at the moment anything would do.

GPRS
Blue Ray DVD
Dishwasher
Hello Kitty Laptop bag
Katy Perry CD

That’s the problem. I don’t know the budget.

Ask? No I am not that straight forward.

Just the idea that they are getting me something is nice.

The Office Cleaner

I feel sorry for her, I really do. It’s not that I don’t care because I am moving on.

I am talking about Rebecca, the office cleaner. She used to have lots of work at our old premises where there were seven separate offices and a big kitchen to clean. When we moved to this open plan office last May everybody complained that she had nothing to do and were under their feet the whole day. I’m getting my desk cleaned 3 times a day because I’m the only one that doesn’t mind that she is around. Hope the next person will be as understanding as I am.

We only need her about 3 times a week if it is that much. It must be hard to be used to lots of work and all of a sudden you don’t have many options available. Worst part is she can’t even hide somewhere in an office because it is open plan.

I brought her some clothes this week, and some old toys. I guess I empty the cupboards when I get nervous, because my time here is running out quickly. I haven’t even met half of my new colleagues at the new job, I don’t know why that is making me nervous.

My boss said the other day that she can’t guarantee anyone work for the rest of their lives. It is true. That is why am so sad. Not for me. For Rebecca, who hasn’t had all the opportunities life had to offer. She must have lived 40 years in the old South Africa. This is all she knows. This is all she will ever know.

I made a promise that I will come and visit.

I will miss her the most.

Riding with pets in cars

Why would you drive with a dog on your lap? Or even better - why would you drive with a dog on your lap with its hair in your face? Or maybe you are scared that someone will put a gun to your face at any moment, and then the dog will scare them away. Are you going somewhere? If you do get out do you take the dog with or do you leave him in the heat?

I am not a dog person. Maybe there will be fewer accidents if people will just leave their dogs at home.

The other day we were in the supermarket and a lady in front of us had a little monkey on her shoulder. People will try all kinds of things to get attention. With all do respect lady, take off your clothes and I will guarantee you lots of attention, don't use a monkey that might jump on my child and bite it. I will be more worried about the thing peeing and who-knows-what-else on my shoulder. That for me is just a no go. Pets belong at home unless you are taking them for a real walk in the park where no one is in need of attention, just some excercise.

Our cat seems to think that 25% of the bed belongs to him. It is winter now and all he wants to do is snuggle under the duvet. He has come to terms with the idea that the baby comes first. It was hard for him and he sulked like only a cat can do. When winter arrived he knew where to find my lap.





Maybe that old lady with the Pom-pom on her lap was on her way to the Vet.

I don’t know.

A storage box full of memories

I emptied out my drawers at work today.

Ten years ago I started here as a shy receptionist. The lady that came and did the switchboard training had to show me how to put staples in the stapler. She was a Godsend that day. I haven’t told anyone up until this day. Heaven knows why I am writing it in my blog.

As the days moved on I became more confident. The one thing I could do well at the time when I knew nothing was to show up for work. 50% of success is showing up they say. I was hungry to learn and absorb information. It was the one chance that I had to take and make the most of.

Does confidence come with time? I don’t know. I do know that you grow through experience. Things, good or bad, happen for a reason.

The storage box is on my desk. Between most of the things are photos of my children and one wedding photo. Isn’t it amazing how everyone always seems to glow on their Wedding photos? I thought I could conquer the world that day. I was ready for anything. My one friend and I always agree on one thing (and we were married a week apart at the same venue): the first day of the 1st anniversary there was trouble in paradise.

Well we had to live through that I suppose. Seven years later I still love my husband. I know what irritates him and what doesn’t and vice versa.

My storage box is packed. My drawers are empty. 40kms from here a brand new office is waiting for me to build new memories.

I am leaving a portion of my life behind. All I can say is thank you.

Life has treated me well. I am so fortunate.

For a reason, a season and a lifetime

Ann is here from the Eastern Cape. Ann is the lady that I stayed with when I started at this company. It is while staying with her when my life did a 180. Sometimes I wonder what was so magical about staying with her. She was always surrounded by good and inspirational people. She taught me lessons in life without saying a word.

If I think back today, then she was part of the bigger picture for that part of my life. She was the person who carried me through the tough times. I can remember the discussions that we had until late at night. Allot of things that she said only made sense later.

She was the one that encouraged me almost 8 years ago to invite my now husband for dinner. I wasn’t brought up that way, I mean, to ask a guy out. But she grew up in the City and here in the City things were done different. I was so convinced that he would say NO, and I did not want to feel like an idiot if the answer was no. With lots of encouragement from Ann I picked I eventually picked up the phone and asked, and to my astonishment he said YES. I guess the rest is history. The feeling was mutual.

The last time I saw Ann was 3 years ago in Bryanston. She was older, but still the happy person that I met all those years ago.

I’m looking forward to see her.

She was there for a reason, for a season and hopefully a lifetime.

On my way up..

I had to go and sign my new employment contract today. It was 2nd nature, because I studied H.R and knew straight away what the guy was talking about. They do everything by the book. It is a company that is outsourced by the new company that I will be working for, so they will be handling all the payroll and H.R.

At the moment my current company is compensating me with petrol, but it is one amount that has not gone up when the petrol did. That means I have to dig into my back pocket every month. My boss has been so good with everything, I did not want to hassle her about more petrol money. So at the new company I will have a little extra every month. There is so much I want to do around the house.

I don’t think I will ever look at my Milage or Petrol gage again. It’s not like it is going to give me a few extra kilos so I might as well stop looking at it now. It is just sad to see the kilos melt away everyday. And my poor car, getting a service every 3 or 4 months is not funny. She will have a nice rest. Instead of 100kms a day she might do 40km at the most.

So the new job waits. New mountains need to be climbed.

I am so excited!

A portion of my life...in jobs

My very first job…mmmm…
I was a cashier at a co-op in the East Rand, it was back in 1996. I don’t remember much of my time spent there - besides counting the float every night. The owner took us to Holiday on Ice in 1997, and every year we went to this fancy restaurant for our end of year celebrations. I only worked there for 3 years.

My 2nd, 3rd and 4th job…
I moved to the North Rand in 1999. I had to find a job so I printed 30 CV’s and went to the Mall to dish them out to the shop owners. 4 People came back to me - The House of Coffees, Ocean Basket, Reggies and Miladys… I worked at Miladys on Saturdays and at Ocean Basket during the week, but I only lasted for 2 days at Ocean basket. That’s why I have respect for waiters up until this day. My feet were killing me. How do they do it? Then I started at Reggies for a couple of months… That was all in 1999…

My 5th job was at the Gym as a receptionist. I met weird people. It was in the heart of Sandton. I stayed with a German family who prepared German meals and rode German cars. It is true about their dry sense of humour. This was in 2000…

My 6th job changed my life. I started out as the receptionist. I left the German family and moved in with this older lady Ann. My whole life changed from their on. I earned enough money to go for lessons and get my drivers licence. One day I met a guy who came into my office with nice shoes and forearms – he became my husband 2 years later.
In 2007 I was promoted as Sales Assistant and enjoyed every moment.

I believe I will be starting my 7th job on the 21st of June as a Personal Assistant. I just completed my 4th qualification at Damelin. Oh yes I know *boast* *boast*.

The other day I walked past the Reggies store in the Mall where I worked. I looked at the owner and he kind of recognized me. I thought of how much I have grown in the last 11 years. I never thought I would thank him one day for letting me go.

He was still there in his cubicle. I was outside of his cubicle.

Free.

Rent, exams, and the bottom of my laundry basket

We went and had a chat with our landlord – and thank goodness he reduced the rent. Increasing the rent at 10% a year for the last 5 years can get a bit costly. And when I move I want to move into a house that we will buy. He is a good landlord, we are good tenants, and we are a match made in heaven LOL.

I have been studying for the exam tomorrow. Yes I am worried but worrying is good, right? It is better than not to care at all. I am currently revising the last 5 chapters.

I have been e-mailing my study-buddy but she is off for the whole week on study leave. I know I felt bad taking study leave because I have already given notice. My morals and values kicking in I guess. There would be a million other things to do at home anyway. When you are at home you are 100% a mom dreaming about seeing the bottom of your laundry basket.

The notice letter..

Oh my, oh my, oh my. Did I knock them over with my presentation! I am so proud of myself. Then again, I had 2 hours in the traffic every morning to practice! Yes I was nervous, but the words came out and it was almost like I was a natural.(Almost)

I went for the 2nd interview on Friday and they offered me the job on the spot. This morning the new Company e-mailed the letter to confirm everything in black and white that we have discussed. I typed a notice letter and went to my boss’ office.

We both sat there and sobbed for a good 5 minutes.

The contents red:

24 May 2010


Dear Mady,

Well the time has come for me to move on, I knew this day was coming but I did not expect for it to be so soon. I want you to know this is an exciting time for me as well as a sad time.

I would also like to thank (Company) for all the opportunities in the last 9 years. I have grown so much within myself. It is indeed sad to leave such a wonderful company where you feel like part of the family. I will always look up to you as my mentor and will have the greatest respect for you and (Company) as a Company.

I have had wonderful times and have met wonderful people while working here. It has been a great honour working for (Company).

So today I would like to give notice for the period of one month from 24/05/2010 to 21/06/2010.

Once again thank you for everything.

Rentia Kruger

What a joy to leave a company in such a good spirit.

That is how it supposed to be.

The long awaited 2nd interview

After 8 months of job hunting – finally a 2nd interview. There are no guarantees, I know, but I need the boost for my ego. I made an impression on someone. With this I can go forward, even if I do not get the job and have to go on like this for another year.

I have walked in to companies where I did not want to work. At one place the MD had 2 Romany Creams stuffed in his mouth. I tried to make out what he was saying, but to no avail. Well you just sit there and are nice while you would rather be sitting in traffic on your way to work.

This week I have practiced my presentation that I have to give to a class full of people tomorrow. I created a PowerPoint presentation to put on my memory stick because there will be a projector and a big screen ready waiting. I hope I make a good impression. All I could do to make things ok was to practice. The worst thing is to be unprepared. When you loose your chain of thought you have to know where to take off again.

I am looking forward to the 30th of June. I am going out with the girls to watch Eclipse, the third movie in the Twilight Saga. Tickets go on sale on the 29th of May so for those of you who are Twilight fans, get those tickets early. It is a midnight show. Hubby has promised to do Pajama drill for that one night.

This is it from me, Supermom on this Friday of 21 May, 2010.

Dear Dad...

Dear Dad,

I’m not mad at you. At the time when all the following things happened in my life, I was furious.

I played hockey every Saturday in the winter months from Std 6 to Std 10.
I would have loved for you to be at one game.

I was in the girls shooting squad and we traveled all over.
I thought you could at least watch me shoot target once.

I was part of the Vaal Reefs Netball team.
All I wanted you to do was to attend one practice or game.-

I sang in the School Choir.
Maybe my voice would have made you clap if you came and watched.

I married the man of my dreams.
You were there Dad, but your refused to speech about your own daughter.
At least someone saved the day for me Dad. Someone who felt my pain. Someone who wanted me to have good memories when I think back on my Wedding day. He stood up and showed you how it is supposed to be done. He did not have to do it, Dad. I wasn’t his daughter for 26 years.

I got my Diploma in HR in 2004.
I stood alone on the stage, with my Husband clapping and smiling from below.
Yu were supposed to be proud of me that day, Dad.

My 1st Child was born in 2004.
Again you were absent. It was the first grand child. Where is the pride in that,Dad?

My 2nd Child is 8 months old.
Maybe if you put in a little effort, you can see his face for the first time.

The day you invited me to your 2nd Wedding after Mom died I declined. You resent me for that. Maybe it works both ways Dad.

Can you now understand why I miss my Mother so much? She was the only one who was interested in my Life, Dad.

My question is why do we always remember the absent times, and fail to hang on to the good times?

Because those were the times that mattered to me.

The Cross on Jim Fouche rd

Who was Mark Lewis? Where was he on his way to when the accident happened? How old was he when he died? I tried to read the dates and all I couldmake out is that he was born in the seventies. Was he drunk? Did other people die too? He must have a family that still misses him. Or was he an innocent pedestrian on his way somewhere?

His name is engraved on a white cross that I pass on my way to work on Jim Fouche’ road every morning.

I guess there are better things to do than to sit in traffic and acknowledge dead people.

May his soul rest in peace.

The Presentation

How do I get up and present in front of a class of 20 students? How do I get the butterflies in my stomach to fly in formation? It’s kinda like Motherhood. You don’t know what you are getting yourself into, and in the end you just do it because the rest of your life depends on it.

I have my notes ready. Practice makes perfect, and there is a little less nerves if you are prepared. (I think). This will be my third presentation while I am studying. I have all these creative ideas that will kind of brake the ice when I start. I can’t do a presentation on my own company because we sell an industrial product and that leaves little to the imagination as far as marketing go.

I decided to do a presentation on Pentel, my husband is in stationary and got me ne necessary samples and accessories to present. At the end of the presentation I will be giving away the samples. I did this with my last presentation and it was a hit. People like getting things for free. And hopefully the lecturer will see some creativity in that.

If I get nervous I babble and talk too fast. Last time I had to stop, apologise and take a deep breath. No use thinking too much about last time. This is different. A new start.

That brings me back to the first two questions in this blog.

I pray. I do my part. I succeed.

Another interview

Turn left, right, left, left, right – and Bob’s your uncle. Easy peasy. At least I had a building name and I could go on that. It is a family business and I find those kinds of interviews always a little bit more personal, but I enjoy it. People make you feel at home. As if you are part of the family. Then again you have your pros and cons of working at a family business environment.

I am feeling a little bit more pressure at work, my boss’ daughter is back from London and she will start in my place when I leave. She has always helped out when she was in school and did a fine job, so at least I am leaving my job in good hands.

Everyday I am getting a bit closer, I can feel it. Yes I am sad to leave here too.

Life goes on I suppose.

Rosebank..Roseblank

Yet another morning where I couldn’t find a place where I was supposed to go for an interview. The woman at the agency was arrogant when I phoned her; she just assumed I did not take a map book. I had the damn thing on my lap. Trying to drive in Rosebank with all its one ways and a map book on your lap plus your husband on the other end of the line on your cell – now that is a challenge.

Eventually I was in tears. It’s like I was from Mars asking for some place out of this world. Now I’m on my own I suppose. The woman at the agency tried her best at getting me this interview and I couldn’t find the damn place. And I am a woman - I do stop and ask for directions.

I wish these job seeking days were over. I have learnt so much on the other hand.

I am so down, ag but I will recover later.

The next interview is tomorrow at 8:00. Hopefully I will find the place.

The month of May

It’s the month of May, and although it is always cold this time of year it is also a little bit sad. My mother’s birthday is on the 15th. Yes, I am a little bit mad because she wasn’t here to meet my children. But I’m only human. Sometimes you just need your Mom, whether you are 3 or 33. How do you fill an empty space? Time has never been my friend.

It has been 7 years and I can still hear her voice clearly in my head. Like when I was a child and she used to call me from the fence when I was next door playing. Part of my fear when she died is that I will forget her, that her voice and image will fade away with time. I am glad to say that it hasn’t. She’s still fresh in my mind.

Does life really go on after someone close to you die? Or does it stand still for some people. My whole world collapsed the day my Mother died. Will I understand one day? Not while I am part of this world.

Oh month of May, you bring good memories every year.

I cherish my time with my Children, because I don’t know how much precious time I have left. It’s not that I live in fear. I just make the most of every moment.

Life is precious. You’re the one that taught me that.

Assignments, building hunting..and children

I’m busy with a group assignment. Yeah, it sucks if it is supposed to be a group and you are doing all the work. Like you need someone to be your right wing, your support, exchanging ideas to make this thing work. Me myself and me..again. I don’t know if I will have the courage to stand in front of the class on Saturday and express myself. Who knows if the people who were supposed to give their input will be able to read my work. Because that is what it is. MY work. Because I am the only one who is worried about the marks. I cry if I get 70%. Ok I cried. All because I misread a whole 20 point question which I knew but answered wrong. It could have been 90%. Ag, life sucks. To other people 39% is nothing. They don't even wink.

This morning I went building hunting again, and guess what, after numerous calls to the company I couldn’t find the place. What’s so difficult about putting on your best jacket and meeting me outside. Ok I cried because I couldn’t find the place and no-one could help me. I did stop and ask for directions – I am not a MAN for heavens sake! After an hour of site seeing through the buildings I decided to drive to work 50kms away. What a morning wasted!

On top of all this both children are sick, I did not sleep a wink.

My momma told me there will be days like this……..

New shoes

Last night hubby came home with a brand new pair of tekkies for Claudia. She was so excited. Her old pair got lost at school, with her name marked on it and everything. I hope this time she will look after it more carefully. We have big school next year and it is better to teach her now than buying a new pair of school shoes every month next year.

It is amazing how children can get excited about the little things. Basically You might thing that you are there to teach your children lessons about life, but sometimes they let you see the world through their eyes and then you can learn from it yourself.

I miss the simple life. You would think life in the fast lane is exciting. Yes there is more to do, and many, many more opportunities. I don’t know if I will ever belong here.

It’s just too complicated.

Blue Monday post

I’m so down. Maybe if I had a date that everything would get better, I would feel better because then you can plan your life again. I don’t know where I find the strength to go through each day. I have thrown away so many opportunities. Lost. Gone.

Still I am greatful for what I have, every day. I am still willing to drive the 50kms to work everyday. I am still willing to do everything at home. Be a good mother, sister, wife and friend. It’s just that sometimes the tears can’t be hidden. With every drop you feel better, and you find new strength. So yes, I think it is necessary to cry in order to feel better.

It is not the end I know. In time I will be positive again, and find the strength to pick myself up from the ground. But for now, I would like some time out. One can only give so much of yourself.

I just wish that my circumstances would change. This year. Any year. As long as I know it will. It could have been worse. There are people that are worse off than I am and here I am complaining. Ungrateful. That's what you call it.

Sometimes you do really have no one.

The Curse of the pen, the scissors, and the brush…

The 3 things that used to get feet in our house while I was growing up was a pen, a pair of scissors, and a hairbrush. We even tied the pen to a string but to no avail, before long someone had plans with the pen elsewhere and untied it, for the next person to find an empty string.

So it is no surprise that I am always looking for the same 3 things in my house. This morning my brush was on the most wanted list. So it hit me – I am cursed. We are cursed.

My sister used to have the same problem, but swore she would not let this get her down, so now she puts these 3 items in a place where only she can find it, and of course she is the only one that knows to put it back after it has been used.

So now I am going shopping again this afternoon, Claudia has a project for Friday that would require cutting. Easier to buy one than to search for one….hmmmmm

The Evil blog...

I have never believed that Harry Potter is evil. I have read the books myself. It seems Twilight has hopped on the bandwagon. Ai, just when you enjoy a good book or movie someone comes along and burst you bubble. It’s not like there is pornography or swearing in Twilight. But somehow it needs to be squashed. EVIL. Period.

My husband thinks Facebook is evil. I have stopped trying to explain. He thinks it is a place where you go if you want to meet people. (Never mind your current friends). So if this story leaks it can have devastating effects. Haha.

My sister knows Catholic people that believes the fairy wings that the little girls wear are evil.

Ai man.

Back to blogging..for now..

So many things happened at the same time. I had a test, Corne’ was recovering from his operation. I went for a couple of interviews, I was turned down every time and of course it had disastrous effects. Hey, I’m human. Just when you have hope and think that you made a good impression they knock you down.

I won’t give up. I don’t care if this takes forever.

The test was ok – I came in to work an hour earlier last week to study 5 chapters. This one girl at college got hold of my study notes and wanted her e-mail it to her. I have to give another lady a lift on my way. We have to do a group assignment in April. I have made a couple of suggestions but I can see that once again I am going to do all the work and everyone is going to jump on the band wagon. I am the only one that cares about getting high marks. It is so unfair, but what can you do, you have to earn those marks.

I went for an interview on Thursday at FNB, I am waiting to hear from my consultant. I am really trying to stay positive. If I don’t get it, then at least I tried. I gave it my best shot, coz that is what you do, you give it your best shot. I don’t see it as setting myself up for disappointment. It is a learning process, and you have to step out of your comfort zone and take risks.

The right thing will come along. I don’t mind waiting.

Do we ever grow up?

'Are you going to Chreche?' MIL asks Claudia on one of her morning visits.

'It's not a Creche! It's a school!' she slams her foot on the ground. That's right, I think, make yourself heard.

Sometimes when I get angry I wonder what kind of toddler I was. Probably difficult. You just have to look around you to see grown ups that are still throwing tantrums. In the bank. At the gocery store. At the Post Office where we know the service isn't that great.

My FIL is the worst. Sometimes I wonder who is more mature between him and Claudia. He once threw a tantrum because we bought her a bigger bikeand he could'nt understand that the bike he bought her was getting a bit small.

With grown ups the same principle apply - you just ignore them.

When he was done sulking he came back. He could'nt stay away for too long.

Marketing..Shmarketing

The people in my Marketing class are weird. This one woman disagrees with everything the lecturer tells us. I know you are allowed to disagree with some things, but everything? We have to do a group assignment and I hope she does not end up in my group. It would be a challenge to have her in our group. One of our exams is coming up at the end of March and I am aiming to do better than her. Just to show her that she does not know EVERYTHING.

I was halfway to my chair when she shouted at me from across the room. She wanted to know what my reason was for doing the course. Shit. Is that an exam question? People like that are like a hundred stinging bees. They come, they do, they irritate, and they don't go away.

It is her first time and I understand that she is pumped up and enthusiastic about the course. I am hoping that she will cool down a bit as the weeks progress.

I try not to think too much about Monday. Shit.

There will always be another mountain…

Fashion, fashion, fashion

I’m not a fan of pointy get-that-cockroach-in-the-corner shoes. But I had to buy it because I have to fit into the working class, and now I guess it will have to grow on me. Went to the mall today and bought some new clothes, an anniversary present from hubby. I am glad to see that I actually fit into the size I thought I would, it is embarrassing swopping the clothes for a bigger size which means more time spent in the changing room. Don’t you just hate the mirrors in there? It shows all the edges of your butt. Excuse me Mr store manager but I don’t like to see all the sides of my well curved body. If I look at my butt in that mirror I know how people see me from behind. Eeeeuw.

Well maybe I have to stop dressing like a Mom and dress more business like. Tomorrow I have to be at the Nelson Mandela Square and go up the West Towers for an interview. You don’t know how it is like walking in Sandton City. You can’t help it, you just want to fit in. Imagine being surrounded by a thousand professional business people.

Magic.

Monday is D-day

So the dr confirmed it this morning – Corne has to go for the Op. I have mixed emotions at the moment. On the one side I feel relieved – we are finally going to get rid of the water in his testicle that has been there for the last 5 months. On the other side I am scared for my boy, under anesthetics and all the hospital procedures. The staff at the hospital is like robots. I have seen it many times.

He is not allowed to drink anything after 2:00 on Monday morning, and we only have to be at the hospital at 7:30. I will just have to endure it, but there is nothing worse than knowing that your child is hungry and you can do absolutely nothing about it.

We baptize on Sunday, so I have asked the family to come around afterwards. I try not to think about Monday, but the reality of it hits be every five minutes.

I am going for another interview on Thursday. My assignment is almost finished.

I will find the strength to go through this.

Hey, enough with all the drama. Bring on the rescue drops.

Monday blog...

Today is my 7th Anniversary blah..blah..blah

I started my course on Saturday. The people attending are all weird, I was hoping to make a few friends but I guess Sales People sing a different song. I realized that I am the only Sales Assistant, and later I also found out that I am the only one who is married with children. Hectic, I am getting old.

I am excited about the assignments, we received 3 and I am already working on the one. With my limited time it is no use leaving stuff for later. Might as well get on with it and get it done before something gets in the way.

Oh, back to my anniversary. Honey I love you. I know we fight at times but I love it when we fight because then I know you still care. Thank you for 7 years. No use in painting a pretty picture, we have had our ups and downs, and love always wins in the end. I can write a whole blog page full of shit or a paragraph that comes from my heart. I prefer the paragraph from my heart.

I managed to find the story book for Claudia on Kalahari, the same one that my Mother used to read out of when we were children. In reprint. How lucky can you get. So from tonight we will have new stories again before bedtime.

That’s me Supermom logging off on a rather exiting Monday.

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A handful of rice...

It was at one of the many cell groups I have attended about 8 years ago that I came across an interesting lady. It was just before my wedding, and being the terrible cook that I am, I was stressed about what to cook every night for my husband-to-be.

She said not too worry, that the golden rule was the more you cook of one thing the better you become at mastering that dish. A hand full of rice for every family member was another helpful hint.

I feel like running to my sister when things go terribly wrong in the kitchen. But it’s not like she lives next door so thank heavens for cell phones. I don’t know what makes you a good cook. How do you develop a passion for food? I think she just payed more attention to the detail while my mother was in the kitchen. Maybe I was daydreaming when I was supposed to pay attention.

I guess some people are good at everything - the Martha Stewarts of the world.

Some days I really wish I had an Italian in the Cupboard…

Grade 1...The School readiness list

I got the list of activities that they check for School readiness. Oh my word. That is all I can say. Some of the things (like writing 1 to 100 and writing your full name) I only got taught in Grade 2 or 3. But it is a good thing, so we can practice at home, all the 100+ activities that are on the list. Some of it I am not worried about, like the Shapes and the Colours and Body Parts.

Well good luck to me, good luck to us all. Grade 1 here we come.

I’m off to another interview scheduled for 12:30. I am honestly not in the mood, because the lady that phoned sounded like someone they got off the street – weird for a well known Company like that. I hope I am not going to waste my time.

I guess it is worth a shot. And I get to go home early and spend time with my adorable son. Every morning at 4 he decides that he is ready for the day. Babies have biological clocks hehehe. But by 7 he is exhausted again and fall asleep in the car on the way to his caregiver.

I'm off..have a good one people.

Hey preggie tummy...you're leaving??

I tried on my no. 12 work tops that used to fit this morning – and what do you know it fit. I tried this about 2 months ago but it was all tight around my shoulders and the buttons wouldn’t even tighten around my waist, because my post-preg tummy was still showing off (hey I was proud of it till the very end).

It must be the Femodene I started taking about 2 months ago. I have always lost weight on it and did not gain an inch when I took it before. Well that is one of the nice after effects of the contraceptive, for me anyway.

The Scale showed I lost 3 ½ kg. And trust me I don’t step on it much, because I don’t like seeing the 10kg that I still have to loose before I have my pre-preg body back. Who does? Weight Smeight.

Well this was a nice surprise.

Start to the week

Another Company has phoned to say that my application was unsuccessful. So I smile, and say thank you for the opportunity. Yes I am a bit sad, but I am just human and things like this do affect me in a way. One day I will look back on this and see that it was just another NO.

I know, it is hard to stay positive. You just go on, and keep your chin up, because you know that all good things come in good time. This is not the end of the road. Hey, if I could get pregnant after 5 years of trying I can find the perfect job.

At times like this I only have to look into my childrens eyes to find the joy in life again. They are the reason why I am here. If I can love them as long as I live then nothing else matters. First I am a Mother, and then my Career follows.

Somewhere out there, there is a place under the Sun. For me.

Ahh...Cape Town Memories..

I came across these photos today. It was taken in Cape Town 2 years ago this April. That was the most fun I ever had in my life. There is a family reunion this year and they can surely count us in.

Well we were full of wine of course, but in a jolly good mood. My cousin (Sam)antha is in the middle, with me to her right and my sister at the left. I don’t think we slept at all. We were giggling the entire time. My cousins BF thought it was a good time to grab the camera…well what do you know.

I can’t wait to see the family in Cape town again. Maybe it is the Cape Town air, I don’t know, but I am always on a high when in CT. Too much fresh air and Wine you would think. LOL.

Back to school..and Christening plans

So it is back to school for me in 2 weeks. Somehow I have other worries than school. I wonder if my husband will be able to run the normal Saturday morning chores for the 5 hours that I will be away. Well like I have said before, there is no time to get into it. The problem is he has 2 other options – MIL or my sister. They would be happy to help out – how convenient.

My life is slowly starting to get together now. I wanted to go back for so long and last year when I made the decision I fell pregnant. Truth is, I wanted a baby more than anything, and I was willing to sacrifice everything so I put the studies on hold.

I have been waiting for some positive phone calls, but don’t intend to waste my energy on it. I am only human. I get disappointed at times, but then I find the strength to go on.

I have requested a Christening document from the church. If all goes well the Christening will be the first sunday of March. MIL already asked if she could bring him in, and of course I said yes. I am kind of looking forward to it.

The mistake...

Yesterday in the waiting room at the Pediatrician I peeped at the lady sitting next to me’s baby boy. He looked so small for six weeks. Her little girl was sitting on her lap. So I said that it’s good to have one of each, the boys are just a little closer to your heart.

The words that came out of her mouth send shockwaves through me. She just blurted out that he wasn’t supposed to be there, that he was a mistake. I was a complete stranger, but I still had the heart of a mother.

I have seen the tears in some women’s eyes when they talk about waiting to get pregnant - the one thing that leaves a special mark in your life as a woman. And now I have experienced the opposite. I don’t know how much I was supposed to read into those words. Is it something that you just tell someone you have never seen in your life? Is it something that you tell your child when he is old enough to understand?

The dr called our surname and I had to say something that I hoped would stay with her:

“Like I said, boys are closest to your heart.”

Once I heard these words: People that say "it just happened" have been trying for a long time. I will find comfort in that.

Ok..I am an addict

I couldn’t sleep again so since Saturday I have read most of Eclipse, I think I have 100 pages left that I will easily finish in 2 days. I also got Breaking Dawn from my sister, and after that book I have to sit and wait for the movies to come out. I got parts of the new book she is writing now out of Edwards perspective – Midnight Sun.

What am I going to do when I have read all the books and watched all the movies – when it is all over. NO Twilight?? It is like so addictive. I can only wish that Stephanie Meyer gets creative again – another story is ok I can live with that. I doubt that someone like her will ever come along again – in this lifetime anyway.

LOL listen to me.

I'm a hopeless romantic I guess.

Friday blog

The insomnia has once again kicked in. I haven’t slept the past 2 nights. At the end of this month it is back to study once again, and I might be in a new job as well. Hubby gets his new car today, because the current car is giving us too many problems. He has spent R20 000 on fixing it last year and now we are back to square one. I hate fighting about money but hey what am I supposed to do, sit back and relax and watch our money go down the drain?

I am going to see my best friend tomorrow; we haven’t seen each other in a while and tomorrow are the only time we could put aside for a visit.

People are still phoning to invite me for interviews, some people want you there this minute and for me it is almost impossible. It’s not like I drive around in Sandton everyday waiting for someone to phone me. This one woman who actually cancelled an interview the other day phoned me about 20 times yesterday while I was at the Pediatrician with Corne’. My phone was on silent.

Some of the jobs that I do apply for has over 400 hits, and that is in an hour. It is a war out there I tell you. I have never lost faith, and I know that one day it will be my turn to stand out from all the others. It is sad that so many people are looking for work. My lecturer in Damelin mentioned once that for every job, there are 17 unemployed people that will do your job better if they get the chance to. That’s why you have to be the best in what you do.

This morning I thought if it will be possible to be excited and sad at the same time. I will get the long awaited phone call but on the other hand I would have to say goodbye to wonderful people that I have worked with for ten years. You leave a part of your life behind. It (the building and people) will always be in your memories till you die.

I am looking forward to seeing my friend tomorrow. I need some distraction from all this.

Well that is it from me, Supermom, (b)logging of on this friday of February the 12th.

A place called home

I suck at interviews. I handled all the questions I thought they would ask well, but when they asked me where I lived I F-R-O-Z-E. I had to think about that one…

You are not always prepared as you think you are. Maybe it would have come to me more easily if I have lived here my whole life – but I didn’t. I have been here 14 years and still I struggle to remember all the areas Joburg has to offer, plus all the sub-neighborhoods etc etc. Roodepoort alone is as big as the little town where I come from.

Well then, on the other hand I will stand out as the girl who had to think about where she lived. In the end it doesn’t matter where you live, or where you think you live, in the end you have to be able to be an asset to the company.

It’s closer to home – wherever that may be. :-)

Note to self – next time you prepare for an interview – ask yourself where you live.

Another day in interview town

I have another interview lined up for tomorrow and another one next week. Nobody said that this was going to be easy. Well like I said, every opportunity knocks and you have to take it.

I miss writing blogs about the past. Writing blogs in the present sucks.

I finished New Moon and is halfway through Eclipse – I know just for your file 33. MIL moved in for another 2 months, so don’t ask me where I find the time for all this. Corne is going for his routine check up at the dr and I have to fit an interview in all in one day.
It’s hectic man.

Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye

The song

The song that relates to me the most?


Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanting to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

Chorus:
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And break away


Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jetplane, far away
And break away

Chorus

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But, gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, break away

Chorus 2X

Break away
Break away

The interview

Oh yay, I get to go to an interview in Rosebank tomorrow. I normally jump at every opportunity I can get – so I am greatful that the company invited me. I don’t put my heart into everything, because I know there are 17 other people who are also going to the same interview and one of us will be THE ONE. May the best candidate be just what they want.

I have been to dozens of interviews and I have learnt allot from each and every one – so bottom line – it helps if this is not your first (and only).

A couple of weeks ago I applied for a vacancy at a Law Firm. The add asked for a photo and I do not know why I did not see that part of the add – I normally go through all the adds carefully because you get weirdos out there – trust me, and I do not apply for any add that asks a photo (wtf you can see me in person!?). So the actual Lawyer himself (I googled his name) sent me an e-mail from his blackburry and asked for a photo. I replied that he should ignore my CV because I did not see the part where they requested a photo. So he asked why and I told him to get lost I am not auditioning for a Reality Show.

Anyway to make a long story short – this guy gave me chills. He kept on sending me e-mails after I said IGNORE my CV. About a week ago his PA (a.k.a skelmpie probably) sent me an e-mail asking if I am still interested in the job. And now the photo did not matter. So I said sorry I was never available.

Weird people, I tell you. Like my soul is for sale.

Ok..I'm a Twi-hard

After going to the movies and watching New Moon the other day, I am reading the Twilight books all over again. I did not pay much attention to Twilight when the movie came out, but New Moon certainly got my attention. It’s been 3 days and I have 20 pages left of Twilight.

My sister said that I should read the books and then I will get a clearer understanding of Edward. I must say that I can’t put it down, I have been reading at work when my boss is out.

She is my kind of writer. It’s like I have been waiting my whole life for some book or movie like this. I am sad that it will end at Breaking Dawn – at least it will be split up in 2 parts but still – I want more of Edward and Bella!!!

I am happy to say that all has been sorted out at home. I could not help myself any longer and phoned her. Sometimes I am forced to get involved – and then I do without thinking. Well I feel better now. Bitch.

Nothing like Twilight to take my mind off things.

My personal space

Yesterday a woman at my husbands work phoned and asked if he could take her sisters child to school in the mornings because she leaves at six.

So I completely FLIPPED. Sorry but she must keep on looking. What makes her think she can snap her fingers and my husband just has to jump up and down? He is nobody's personal chauffeur.

I am so close to phoning her today' but out of respect for my husband and his work I won't. Well at least he knows how I feel about this.

You see the million dollar question is -
where was I when everyone became so close? You really have to know someone well if you are going to trust them with your child, right? Now that is what we call a snake in the grass people. I can guarantee you my instinct has always served me right.

I have confronted him about this the moment he told me. I let him know that the first morning he drives that womans child to school I am moving out. It sounds a bit harsh but if you are married to me and your commitments are elsewhere you might as well live somewhere else.

Well I am fuming - for today at least.

You don't want to be married to me right now - trust me.




















W

On the job hunt

What a morning. After being messed around once again by unprofessional people that do not have a clue what they are doing I got in my car and came to work. Never mind job hunt - you sommer have to look for the people and buildings too. I don’t have time to drive around looking for buildings and people the whole day. I'm not freakin Sherlock Holmes. It’s a madhouse out there. I have sent a snotty e-mail to the relevant people involved.

Well next week will tell what is happening with the job issue, one has to be patient then things will start happening. One interview-that-did-not-happen down two interviews to go. Maybe today was a test to see to what extremes I will go to get a job. Well to me that spells one word – desperate. I will go the extra Mile but don’t play hide and seek with me.

I have said it before and I will say it again – what will be will be. That job just wasn’t for me.

We had the talk

So I told my boss I am looking for other employment. A dumb move you should say – but we are on a level where I can tell her things like this. She totally understands that I can’t travel all this way every day. I said to her even though they pay my petrol it does not make up for my time. In the evening I only see Corne’ & Claudia for 2 hours.

I told her that a part of my life is at this place. I have accomplished so much here.

She said that she would give me a good reference for now if I need one. Well I have to choose between 2 possible jobs closer to home – and God will help me make the right decision. Thank God for all the good people in my life – and all the good people that will still be on my journey through life.

It is true what they say – it is when you are at the point to surrender that things turn around in your favor.

Life goes on

Sometimes I wish I can move away from all this chaos. Just buy me a house in the country and sit on the stoep and knit while the children are playing in the garden. I should be so lucky. I do miss the laid back life in the country. Up here life is pretty much 1-2-3-in-your-face 24/7. I am always busy organizing something, or rushing to something, or sorting out other peoples problems. And then you ask yourself if it will ever end.

Claudia had her first swim class on Saturday. Hubby and I had a fight because Claudia, Corne’ and myself were all practically in the car when he offered to take her. I seriously don’t know what he is going to do with 2 children 3 weeks time when I go back to Damelin. He will probably rush to my sisters house when Corne has the first poo. Maybe he will learn a few things. See, it will actually be good for us all.

It was a sad morning indeed. I had to tell my maid that we won’t be needing her for the next 5 months. She got another job in the complex – thank God – but I still feel that I am contributing to her income every month and now I have to put my needs infront of hers. What was important is that I did not want her to feel that she did anything wrong. She has been so good. But she understood.

Life is never fair.

When did it get so busy?

The better person

One of my bad qualities is that I sometimes struggle to be the better person. My argument is if a person does not like you and continue to treat you bad why do you have to keep on being friendly. Maybe I cut ties too easily. I don’t have the memory of a Goldfish – I will remember your face. I find it hard to forgive.

I only have 2 best friends and that suits me. I don’t need all of the friends in the world that talk behind your back anyway. Trust is a big issue for me – I don’t know why.

I do go to the occasional breakfast with the HR girls, and of all five only one is close to me. The rest is merely acquaintances. I also don’t accept everyone on Facebook. I am not in a race to see how many friends I can get even if I don’t know who they are.

Yes, I do care if people like me or not. But I don’t go out of my way. Take me as I am.

I am practicing to be a better person - but don't ask me to kiss A**.

The tribe has spoken

I am a happy girl today. My Aunt in CT whom I have not spoken to in a year sent me a sms to say that she is not mad at me anymore. We are both so stubborn. We had a fight a year ago when she came to Joburg and could not make time to see us. It was not on purpose but I did not see it that way at the time.

So now we have to catch up on a whole year of skinner. Usually when I hear a story the family in the Free State knows already. I sent her MMS’s of Corne’ and Claudia. I missed her so much and I am glad we could forgive and forget.

She is my mother’s oldest sister. The Wild Aunt whom I blogged about before is the youngest.

My other Aunt who is married to my Mothers brother invited me on FB but I did not accept. We went there one Easter and it was the worst reception I had in my life. You know what; if you don’t want me at your house, just ask me to leave. Don’t make me feel unwelcome for 3 days.

Now everyone is inviting me left right and centre probably because I have posted pics of Corne’ on FB that only my friends can see. I have kicked off half of my family. They did not bother knowing me while I was growing up so why must I be friends with them now on a social network.

I’m just funny in that way.

The start of day

This morning before 5’o clock:

I cleaned the kitchen.
I put in a load of washing.
I made a bottle for a hungry baby.
I fed a hungry baby.
I played with a happy baby.
I had a bath.
I took out the trash.
I put out some clothes for Claudia & Corne’.
I put the filter coffee on to be ready when hubby wakes up.
I sent an sms to one of my best friends.
I fed the Cat.
I let the Cat out.

Oh what a joy to be me….

The new friend

Sometimes I wonder what is going on in my 5 year old daughters head. She speaks to herself while she is playing – but the weird thing is that it is in English. Then again I would’nt know what is going on in any 5 year olds head.

She has a new friend at school whose name is Kyla. The teacher told me yesterday that they are inseparable. Claudia and her other friend of 2 years Ziane was split at the beginning of this year, there are 2 gr.0 classes and there you have it. The other day Claudia got into the car and was a bit sad. She said that Ziane walked over on the playground and hit her new friend in the stomach (which the teacher saw and sorted it out right there and then). She was mad that Claudia had a new friend. Claudia was a bit confused and did not understand why Ziane would do something like that.

I explained to her that she and Ziane are in 2 different classes now and it is up to Ziane to make new friends in her new class. Or they can all play together as a group in break.

But she seems happy with her new friend.

Oh February...

I don’t know what it is. I can’t sleep. You would think – of course I have a baby so that explains it. The problem is the baby does sleep well, it is I who can’t switch my brain off at night. Do I worry? I don’t know. Am I excited about things that are happening in my life? I don’t know. If I knew I would be sleeping like a baby – well my baby anyways.

Corne’ and Claudia are both going to hospital in February. Maybe that is what makes me roll around at night. I thought of making Corne’s appointment towards the end of February so that we don’t have it all in one go. I don’t know how I am going to get through it. I just wish February would be over already.

My increase is due end of January. The house rent goes up at the end of March so if I don’t get increase things might get a little tight.

I have been job hunting for the last four months. If you want to see how rude people can get then start job hunting. At least I am not “desperate” for work so I can and will answer back if I think you are getting too personal. Why do people think you have to be at their feet “begging” them for work. I am patient and trust that the right thing will come along.

I don’t know what the next couple of months hold.

Trying to stay positive here.

The Art of Giving...

Once I sat in casualties and saw a child being brought in who was bitten by a dog. I helped her father fill I the hospital admission forms.

Once someone’s A.T.M card would not work. Later I saw her in the shop talking to someone so I gave her R20 and walked away. She bought bread with the money.

Once I gave a book about Small Gardens to the old lady next door, I thought she needed it more than I do.

Once a year I make an anonymous donation to the National Council for the Blind.

Once I gave away 2 stationary goodie bags in a presentation that I did in my Damelin Class.

Once I bought 2 x Westlife tickets and gave it away for free.

Once I packed sandwiches for a good cause.

Once there was a lost Cat at my door so I opened a can of tuna.

Once I gave a stray dog some water in a bowl.

Once I gave up my seat to an old lady in a full doctor’s room.




Once I gave a criminal all my belongings and prayed that he wouldn’t kill me.

That is the only time I gave in fear, without love.

At last - a me-year

Talking about too much on your plate - I have enrolled for Sales and Marketing. You know what I have learnt that there is no time like now. I will have to do it and worry about the finances later. Well it is either the DSTV or the Maid that has to be put on hold for 6 months. I aint giving up my TV….. Claudia’s extra murals are also R500 a month extra but we don’t cut our finances when it comes to the children with good reason.

They still have my registration fee. I paid it last year round about this time before I discovered I was pregnant. Well with the MC and everything hubby and I decided that we did not want to put unnecessary stress on the baby so it had to wait.

I am starting at the end of February. This can’t wait another year.

This year I am dedicating to ME.

Call me selfish

On Life

Corne’ started eating this week - ag my boy is getting so big now. Claudia and her father are joined at the hip. I’m so glad I can give someone attention now, they kind of pushed me on the curb the last couple of years. I know *sob* *sob* sad story.

When Claudia turns around she wants to know where her father is. She runs to him first thing in the morning. She wants him to drop her off and fetch her from school. Hey I’m not complaining, while the going is good… Sometimes he just wants to sit and relax and then she is all over him. He doesn’t get mad. I just laugh. I know from experience that it is tough to keep up with a 5 year old. They have LOTS of energy- even I can’t keep up.

I can’t imagine my life without my family. Joel Osteen says that you have to pray in the morning for Angels to be around your husband and children during the day.

We have to be greatful for everyday.

The Eraser

Today I have thrown out most of my deceased boss’ old files. It’s been a year now and it’s not easy sitting here erasing a peace of his life. I realized that we can not hang on to the files any longer. The others left me with the sad task. It’s one of those things that will be ok to people if they don’t see it.

He used to make allot of notes. He was so organized. When I open each file and look at his handwriting (that was still neat at age 85) my heart just miss a beat. When I first started here I had to learn the way he wrote his D’s & A’s & G’s.

Some mornings when I enter the office I find the frame of his Lifetime Award in the Timber industry a little skew and then I just sigh and hang it in a straight line again. He does visit for all that we know.

Once I red in an article that our footprints will be on earth long after we have gone.

These papers are just a drop in the bucket of the legacy that he left behind.



.

Dear Mom...

So much has happened since my last letter. You have a new grandson. Sometimes when I look at my children I know how much joy you must have had with us in the house. Life sometimes gets lonely when I realize I can’t pick up the phone to ask you for advice, cause as you know even with the 2nd child it can get a bit too much sometimes.

Dad did not even know I was pregnant, the whole 9 months he turned a blind eye. Maybe part of it is my fault – I should have made more time to visit and let them know that another one is on the way.

Corne’ is a sweet laughing baby, like his sister. He sleeps well, I only wake up twice a night and sometimes he spoils me then I only wake up once.

Life has changed in the last year - for the better I must add. I realized that one of the biggest blessings is ones children. The children take up most of my time, now we I have to really manage time if I haven’t been serious about it before. We all had to adopt to the new baby. Claudia has learnt to be more patient, that things can be attended to in 5 minutes and not right then on the spot.

Claudia is in Gr0 this year and excited to start her first swimming class on Saturday. I see so much of myself in her when I was her age. I can remember when I was five years old. She has a big imagination like me.

Oh I miss you so much. I wish you were here. But we can not always have everything in life I suppose. Life has to go on without you. You are always in my mind.

Thank you for being the best Mother to us. That helps me today, more than you will ever know.

It's just that it is another year without you, that's what's making me so sad...

It's a BFN

Oh what a relief – I’m not pregnant. And yes there is a sad side to the news also. Now I need to rest. I have experienced all of the emotions you can think of in the last couple of days. I thought Corne’ was going to get a friend. Claudia was begging for a sister LOL.

I am still seeking alternative employment at the moment and the thought of staying another year was bad enough. It’s the traffic that gets to me. Hey we all get a bit of traffic now and then… Things are looking up and I hope I would be out of here by March. That’s another sad goodbye, but one thing I have to do, it left me with no choice.

Hubby was awfully quiet the last couple of days. He started talking this morning again when I gave him the news. I guess he was collecting money in his mind if there was a new baby on the way. So now I have learnt a big lesson in the name of parenthood. I guess any news would have been good news. As long as your love lasts forever you can make time for another child. You can love it and look after it. .

People adapt to lifestyles. A new life chooses you to be its caregiver.

So guess who is going to the nearest Dis-chem on her way home…

P-H-E-W GIRLFRIEND……

Eish...a bon in da ovon

When you have a four month old baby and you get a pregnancy scare it’s not so funny anymore. Imagine being pregnant for 2 years with a four month break. As you all know I was pregnant for most of last year.

I have not tested yet because I don’t know what news will make me happier. Maybe it is better for me not to know what route my life will take. On the one side I am yearning for another baby, because my children bring me so much joy every day. If it is a BFN I would find my way to the nearest Dischem to get a packet of Femodene. Then I would loose all the baby weight (I know I have made promises that I might keep).

So what if it is a BFP? I would say it all fell in to place, and the same goes for the opposite. No use in calling hubby and I irresponsible. We had the need and we did the deed. With a baby I haven’t had time to get the Pill…I know I know call me irresponsible LOL.

I will know tomorrow. Honestly, I am not praying for a BFP or a BFN.

Whatever will be will be.

My best friend is Sad

I get an sms from my best friend. Although we are 200kms apart I can sense her heartache in the few lines that I read. I wish I could hug her and listen to the whole story she is trying to describe in a few lines. She has trouble with the husband. We all have our troubles with the men in our lives, but for a moment any fight that hubby and I ever had seemed like nothing compared to hers. I feel blessed.

We all choose our partner in life I suppose. She wants to be with someone who treats her like shit. I can understand that it is more complicated when you don’t have a foot to stand on and there is children involved. She always gasps at the things I say to my husband and I could’nt think that she would dare say anything like that to her husband. Truth is – she always has to explain herself and that is no life.

I don’t want to compare our marriages so I always tell her that my husband also has the little issues that we just can not get out of the way - which is true.

No use in painting a pretty picture of your marriage when your friend is sad.

Get on the floor and be sad with her.

On Education

Grown ups always used to ask the same question when we were little – what you would like to be when you are older. I always said a Window Dresser – those tannies that used to travel from town to town going around the local Foschini dressing up the dolls in the window according to the way the head office wanted it.

When the time came in Matric to make some career choices I wanted to become a Graphic Designer. Representatives of the Universities and Colleges in our area visited our school and I was armed with all the pamflets and details to I approach my Dad. I don’t know what made me think that he would make a plan to pay for anything I wanted to do. Maybe I was to closed minded back then, expecting him to pull the money out of a hat or think up some rich uncle in the family that would gladly pay.

I had to throw all the information in the dustpin. I have never blamed him for not giving me the after school education that every child “deserve”. It was enough to encourage me to do the opposite one day when the time comes for my children to make some career choices.

Years later with lots of encouragement from my husband I did get a diploma and some certificates that helped me get ahead in life. We have a blessed life and even though it happened later in life for me it did happen, I did not have to give up my dreams entirely.

Once I heard someone say that every child “deserves” a tertiary education. We are talking about lots of money here. You deserve love and security as a child, and to be treated fairly.

I don’t blame my parents for not giving me the education after school that I “deserved”. Some people have more opportunities than others. I get it.
Everyone is responsible for their own life.